rape culture – Page 2

In black and white.

As some of you may know, part of my Year of the Nee (my year of celibacy and no intoxicants) that I began in May (Half way!! WOOO!) included seeking out a more formalized psychotherapy approach. In doing so, I ended up at the Sexual Assault and Traumatic Stress unit at Harborview with a diagnosis,… Continue reading In black and white.

Thanks for that, dude.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke This Ghomeshi thing, how his friends and community are admitting to knowing he was up to some shit, brings to light some ugly things for me. Ugly things that encouraged me to continue raping in my… Continue reading Thanks for that, dude.

Integration phase: To approach or not to approach?

On twitter today, someone asked me: “Have you spoken to (and asked for forgiveness from) any of your rape victims? Do you think about them and their healing?” This person seemed surprised when I said yes, of course I think about that, that I had spoken and apologized to some, but that a) I had… Continue reading Integration phase: To approach or not to approach?

Full Circle Zita

My signature (nude) aerial silks piece started as a homage to sexual relationship, to not giving up on loving someone, even when you get bucked off. The act began as a physical illustration of the struggle to shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and how sex can contribute to the… Continue reading Full Circle Zita

Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.

As my rape culture post has circulated on Medium, and the conversation has continued, I’ve found myself annoyed. The men who are talking, nearly invariably, debate. They argue the definition of consent, they argue the definition of rape, they tell me I’m being too hard on myself and others, they worry about the definition of… Continue reading Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.

Untitled

I am no longer Paralyzed By the prospect Of outgrowing you

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man.

I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust is ideal.

If you don’t have that kind of guy in your life- and, seriously, you are not alone in that area- then you have the very hard, critical work of figuring out how to make that kind of friendship ahead of you. If you are feeling a restless helplessness over all of this, that can be your challenge.

And if you are a guy who has already figured this out- if you’ve already figured out the circle thing and the male friendship and intimacy thing and how to be supportive of women thing- then my personal challenge to you is to go and find the guys in your world who haven’t totally made this connection, and pull them into your circle. Mentor them. Teach them how to do what you’ve figured out to do.

Seriously, I can’t do that. Your girlfriends and lady friends and moms and sisters and classmates and bosses can’t do that. But you can, and that is absolutely invaluable.

Women need men to learn how to be emotionally connected to other men. We need men to learn how to draw emotional support and nurturing from other men. Not to do that in absence of us, but in addition to us. Because men being isolated and lonely- it really, really is killing us.

Men and women, it is really killing us.”

Notallmen/Yesallwomen, secondary trauma and relearning everything for the sake of not killing each other

We need Allies, not Gentleman.

Learn to be an accountable presence working on your shit, not merely a non-rapist or a non-murderer. Because communicating ‘It’s/I’m not like that’ instead of ‘I’m so sorry that happened, what do you need,’ is being ‘like that.’

http://www.mediacoop.ca/blog/norasamaran/30866

A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

If that pisses you off, read here for some well thought ideas on what you can do about it. If it doesn’t piss you off, read here to learn why it should.

https://medium.com/human-parts/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture-7fc86c50dc4c