“I’ve watched men go through two phases, myself included. First, you have to unlearn being sexist. Then, you have to come to the realization that your silence is approval of sexist behavior. That second one is hard. Both involve having to make peace with the fact that your previous self was responsible for harm.” —… Continue reading Untitled
Tag: sexism
Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.
As my rape culture post has circulated on Medium, and the conversation has continued, I’ve found myself annoyed. The men who are talking, nearly invariably, debate. They argue the definition of consent, they argue the definition of rape, they tell me I’m being too hard on myself and others, they worry about the definition of… Continue reading Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.
Listening: The Secondary Trauma.
“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man.
I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust is ideal.
If you don’t have that kind of guy in your life- and, seriously, you are not alone in that area- then you have the very hard, critical work of figuring out how to make that kind of friendship ahead of you. If you are feeling a restless helplessness over all of this, that can be your challenge.
And if you are a guy who has already figured this out- if you’ve already figured out the circle thing and the male friendship and intimacy thing and how to be supportive of women thing- then my personal challenge to you is to go and find the guys in your world who haven’t totally made this connection, and pull them into your circle. Mentor them. Teach them how to do what you’ve figured out to do.
Seriously, I can’t do that. Your girlfriends and lady friends and moms and sisters and classmates and bosses can’t do that. But you can, and that is absolutely invaluable.
Women need men to learn how to be emotionally connected to other men. We need men to learn how to draw emotional support and nurturing from other men. Not to do that in absence of us, but in addition to us. Because men being isolated and lonely- it really, really is killing us.
Men and women, it is really killing us.”
Tech: The Newest Frontier of White Supremicy
I was just talking with an old friend about the ‘boys club’ we were a part of when I worked with him in tech.
This article, in my opinion, is spot on – and I relate to the experiences of invalidation, lack of support, and having the sexist and marginalizing behaviors of others defended against rather than questioned; by myself, included.
At the time, I thought this was normal. Thanks to a lifetime of choosing to date within this, and another sexist white-male dominated field (law), I am finally getting fed up, I no longer believe ‘normal’ is this case.
In defense of the men
Lately, I’ve been observing a few racial and feminist activists on twitter complaining about white people and men (especially white men) butting into their conversations about their experiences of oppression. It’s been an interesting ride. I mirror a number of the sentiments and questions those white people have posed to black activists, and very much… Continue reading In defense of the men