In the beginning, the plan for Year of the Kat was to get on medication. That, thus far, has not come to pass, mainly due to the runaround and wait times in seeing a psychiatrist meaning I had one single appointment before I left on tour (in which the psyche questioned whether I needed medication… Continue reading Borderline
Tag: depression
#hotline
Lately, I have been very raw and sensitive and emotionally reactive. Being that way comes with effects, which include being oversensitive to damaging others. Things like feeling really gutted for days if I unintentionally hurt someones feelings, and digging too hard into myself to look for subconscious sinister motivation, when I forget or misconstrue boundaries… Continue reading #hotline
#triggerwarning #mentalhealth
#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While… Continue reading #triggerwarning #mentalhealth
Well, here we are again.
After some time keeping my head barely above water, my hearts busted open into a suck wound of fuzzies and my brain is linking up solutions again. Good night! What will I wake up to, though? Ugh, I hate waking up. Maybe that adjustment today worked, but I can’t know until I sleep how things… Continue reading Well, here we are again.
I think.
If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love,… Continue reading I think.
My Last Spoon
Inner Voice 1, immediately after taking the first pull in weeks from ther dab rig: “She AGREED to it! How is this NOT her fault?” Inner Voice 2: “You mean it ISN’T our fault all this happened?” Inner Voice 1: “Dude. You warned her about what the fucking cat needed. You told her she was… Continue reading My Last Spoon
There is Nowhere
Just south of Green River, Wyoming One thing that nearly a year on the road has shown me: There is nowhere. There is nowhere to go. There is nowhere to outrun patriarchy. There is nowhere to outrun capitalism. Nowhere to feel safe. Nowhere to feel comfortable. It’s gone, along with my blissful ignorance. Anywhere I… Continue reading There is Nowhere
Full moon in Scorpio
They say the full moon in Scorpio signifies transformation. In particular, they say it will illuminate things that need to be released and let go. They also mention that it probably won’t feel very good. I don’t know about all that. But I do know that I’ve felt like massive shit lately. Like, really, really… Continue reading Full moon in Scorpio
A meditation: New Cage
The door to the original Pony Express Station, Gothenburg Nebraska. Bipolar disorder, Attachment disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Serious Depression are all diagnosis I’ve received at various times in my life. They all added up symptomatically at the time, but there was always something under the surface that wasn’t touched by those theories. I… Continue reading A meditation: New Cage
me, Clayton, rape.
me, Clayton, rape. It wasn’t rape because that’s what he growled at me the first time he overwhelmed and coerced me when I’d just said I wanted to wait before we started having sex together. It wasn’t rape because he’d only gone down on me and fingered me and heroically resisted sticking his cock in… Continue reading me, Clayton, rape.