One of the things I have taken very seriously since having become suicidally depressed last month is my relationship with drugs and alcohol. Particularly alcohol, which has by far been the most destructive of my coping mechanisms in my life.
Of late, I have partaken rarely, usually in very small amounts when I have, and never when I have been significantly distressed. It has been important to me in my decision to surrender to the difficult feelings I have been having to do it with my eyes open.
I believe it has been about 6 weeks now, the amount of time they say it takes to develop a habit, since I began doing this exclusively when I went to bars – So I think it’s safe to say my official drink is now soda water and bitters.
Bitters are aromatic botanicals in an alcohol base and, technically, alcoholic, but in my experience they are pretty much like shooting yourself in the throat with breath spray when it comes to any effect one will feel from the few dashes that are needed to flavor a drink.
It’s actually quite fun, and encourages me not only to save money and remain sober, but to also hang out in the kinds of places I truly enjoy being at. Angostura bitters taste nice enough and are a standard I enjoy (as opposed to well alcohol which tastes like shit) but the opportunities beyond can be endless depending on where I go.
A good bartender will enjoy creating a special drink for me, include me in the process and let me see and handle all their cool little bottles. I am learning about different kinds of bitters and the types of flavors I like and getting inside scoops on where to buy from.
Self care can be hard, especially around alcohol and attempts to remain social particularly when avoiding it. Of the many changes toward health and happiness I have experienced in my life, this has been one of the easiest small, yet significant, adjustments I have made. And I really love simply letting a bartender surprise me without having the concern of ending up Gin or Jager drunk – which, let’s be honest, no one wants to see. 😛