i dont often stop to consider if i am as happy as i could possibly be right now, because the answer is always no. the main reason for this is that so little is actually known to me about my purpose here.
occasionally, though.. at the strangest of times (in the shower) i feel the sensation of the world hurling away from me. like the effect of filming in a grossly exagerated realization scene of a movie, where it seems that the air in front of ones face is hurling towards them as the out of focus background runs away.. only, opposite of that. i see my bathroom from above, the next floor above me, the roof of my building, my neighborhood, my city. trees, grass, dirt, sky, earth.. then nothing. darkness. all in a split second.
and i seem to float in a state of nothingness mentally, as the length of my imagination and realistic thinking have run out, and i simply have no more answers.
i dont like feeling that way. still dont know what triggers it.