orgies. cream. ass. drugs. teletubbies. angels. candy. tampons. conversation. music. vomit. familiarism. driving. getting lost. driving. cab rides. showers. more candy. a hot potato. a sketchbook. two king sized beds. two king sized bathrooms. a ledge to commit suicide off of. a huge overpriced fountain. walking. teamsters. microsoft employees. interesting carpet. david ralph. repetition. humidity. warmth. autographs. hugs. kisses. smiles. this party had it all. you’re welcome.
the afternoon started out with me telling work to take the back burner for a change and leaving around 3pm to pick dan up from the airport. i had told him about oakenfold coming here a few weeks beforehand and he travels a lot.. it just so happened that a trip out here (from LA) fit in perfectly with his schedule. i made it to the airport a half hour early despite the shitty traffic on 405.. even had time to snap this nifty advertisement for some ecommerce company, and was there when his flight landed about 5 minutes before scheduled. even had time to pick up a photo book of washington to give him while i was there. the plan was to meet at the hotel, after scott had picked up menglef from about the only QFC we didnt clean out on the west side of the lake he would call my cell and tell me what the room number was. he ended up calling me 15 minutes before dans flight was supposed to land. he drives like a fucking maniac, i tell you.
i hadnt been expecting people to be deboarding so early and had taken a seat facing away from the gate, so i ended up turning around after half the people had gotten off the plane. apparently he was part of that better half, because all the people had gotten off, the stewardess closed the door.. and i didnt see him anywhere. i felt disappointment and a little panic begin solidifying in my throat, until i saw him take a baby step away from the large post he had been standing in front of which blocked my view. he looked a little concerned himself. 🙂
after announcing that i thought he hadnt made the flight and giving him his book we started making our way to the airport garage. floor 3. space 709. we loaded up the beast with his one piece of luggage and were off to the hotel room, sorta. on the way there dan asked me if i wanted to hear something cool. well, gee.. when dont i? so he proceeds to tell me about the l0pht party in boston he had gone to on saturday, how they were just spinning CDs and MP3s all night.. and that i had unknowingly DJ’d through mood radio for about 45 minutes. 🙂 that was too cool, especially when he told me he was too fucked up to find my web site for a while.. and was going to search engines typing ‘n o t h i..’ trying to find it. people were even dancing man. kickass. so, there was NO place that i drove this poor man to that i didnt have to make 5 U turns to find. the hotel was no exception. after finding the hotel, and then finding parking, up to the room we went.. but not before snapping a picture of the extravagant fountain in the lobby of the hotel. so, scott had called with the room number.. but all i remembered was 700.. something. i guessed 705. nope. ok, knock on 703 then. nope. ok, find a phone and ask to be patched in to scotts room. no wait, try this one.. 702. its on the way to the phone. what the hell. we had a winner.
we walked in to find scott and menglef playing soul caliber on scotts dreamcast.. which he had to rape the RF plug on the back of the TV to hook up. everything that had been brought to the room and been plopped down on the floor and left there, except for scotts personal shit and my big bag. scott and i had gone party shopping two days before and bought a SHITLOAD of candy. and i mean a shitload. also got the game simon, which we never even touched after the show.. and clue, still unopened. bubbles and whistles and all sorts of shit that we didnt ended up using. its ok, at least it was there to scare my guests. why do candy ravers have such a bad rap? they’re all colorful and cartoony. we even had the hot potato game, which i damn near ripped to hell trying to put batteries in.
everything was pretty slow after that. i showed menglef and dan all the cutsie cheap-ass plastic shit scott and i had gotten and got some uncertain looks from time to time. ill bet they’re feeling all dumb now for doubting my partying skillage. it would have been even better if those bastards at DV8 had let me take my fuckin bag in. i dont care what anyone says. my big fat plastic green buttercup watch is kickass. everybody wants one. ha ha. so, dan hadnt eaten.. and i kinda like to have a little something in my stomach before i roll, so.. since it was directly across the street, and im a pig.. i suggested hooters. that was kind of a wash between royally sucking and being bearable. menglef has that sense, man. he decided not to go at the last minute. ‘would it be too much of a social faux pas if i didnt go with you guys?’ he says, after already standing in the hallway with everyone on their way to the elevator. like im going to say ‘NO! you HAVE to go to a loud obnoxious sports bar served by plastic women with faces so made up they could pass for fuckin clowns and big burly drunk college basketball lovin mean men who would sooner beat your gothic ass than look atcha.’ geesh. its all good. besides, he prefers to not eat before rolling. like i want him sitting around watching everyone else stuff their faces. eating in front of people who arent makes me nervous anyway.
so, the three of us who wanted to eat went while menglef stayed at the room. it was just as well, he would have -hated- that place.. and i would have hated to drag him over there. got damn the people sitting at the table in front of us were fucking LOUD! ‘HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!’ every 5 minutes. one guy turns around and asks us if we’re rooting for florida.. cause he doesnt wanna be rude if we are, since he wants michigan to win. like everyone there wanted to watch the COLLEGE basketball game. not only basketball.. but COLLEGE basketball. the point, please? i still wonder now if he was being ‘polite’ or trying to start a fight. dont spose it matters much.
after eating and telling dan to hurry the hell up so we could leave.. we got our bill, payed it and left. as we were walking through the parking lot to the crosswalk i asked them both if they had gotten their fill of testosterone. i think we all agreed that those men were just too manly for words. we shuffled into the elevator with some dark haired woman. since i was the closest to the buttons i asked her what floor, and she said 7.. which i had already selected, since thats where we were going also. i told her that was neat, since 7 is the ‘cool’ floor for only ‘cool’ people. she promptly pointed out the fact that the 7th floor is the best place to commit suicide from (it also happens to be the top floor). i uh, nodded and agreed at its truthfulness, and dropped the subject. walk away slowly. slowly. what a fuckin weirdo. we returned to the room to witness the (shy) genius at work, drawing in his sketchbook. the guy has amazing fucking talent. i cant fucking wait for him to draw me. hes also one of the few people i actually trust to study me nude without getting a damn stiffy. its incredibly refreshing to finally meet a serious artist.
by now it was about 6:30, so i started getting ready. shiny silver tank, white satin tube bra, black ass hugging pants, bright black and white sketchers.. blond $6 wig (MIA at DV8) stick on jewels on my forehead and the outer corners of my eyes, glitter everywhere.. little white/glittery/see-through angel wings and lots of real shiny silver costume jewelry. i am told i was ‘dressed to stop traffic’. cool. i like getting dressed up when im going out. i dont get too many opportunities to, either. scott wore his quake jersey, dan wore the signature dan jeans and tshirt, and menglef went in his proper menglefian style. adorable.
the walk was.. interesting. i didnt really know how to get there other than the faint sense of direction i had from living 10 miles away in downtown seattle. we walked around a lot and contemplated crossing a freeway on foot until i went into a best western for directions and picked up a map. by this time it was 8:30, and i didnt know of anyone opening for oakenfold or anything.. so for all i knew we were missing him. then menglef tells me about the tricky show he went to where no one opened for him and he only played for 45 fuckin minutes. i started power walking while attempting to look at the shaky map. we were on the right track and got to the intersection we needed to be at within 10 minutes or so.. turned the corner and saw a mass of bikers. leather, chained, shaved head tattooed bikers, blocking off the street with semis and harleys, all hanging out outside a fucking ‘dental and visual’ clinic called the ‘teamsters’. we stood there for a good minute and a half before we realized that we were in the wrong crowd, and that DV8 was across the street. the street being full of machinery and being blocked off was disorienting. i still dont understand why a bunch of biker people were hanging out side of a dentists office.. but, you know. takes all kinds.
while standing in line.. i was SPOTTED! AH! by patrick, who recognized me from work.. even with the wig. we talked with the people around us trying to find out how so many people found out about the show when it wasnt advertised anywhere.. and learned that it had been mentioned in the stranger, but most people found out about it from oakies web site. then of course, we all talked about the wonders of napster and exchanged oakenfold essential mix favorites. then NAF came up, and was instantly bashed as being the worst venue in seattle. after being to DV8 which was supposed to be a total shithole, i really agree. DV8 was much, much nicer than NAF.. but i mentioned that i saw chris lawrence there, which shifted the conversation to dan who lives next door to him. he quickly shot down some kids assumption that chris was planning on moving to seattle.
once we got towards the front of the line, simon showed up with justine, his really cute girlfriend. the doorman went through my bag which was 90% candy, then handed it back to me and informed me that i had to take it to my car, and come back. i glared at him and asked him if he had any fucking idea how far away my car was. unfortunately the ‘no food’ policy included the massive amount of candy i had brought to the show to give away. i also couldnt bring in my digital camera. simon offered to take my bag and put it into the trunk of his car, and give it to me at work the next time i saw him. it wasnt until the night was half over that i realized my jacket was also in that bag, as well as my tampons and aleve.
even as i was arguing with the doorman, john saw me from inside and got my attention. johns a real sweety, i used to work with him at MS.. until he moved on to bigger and better things. whenever we’re both at a show we always seem to find each other. he gives kickass backrubs too. once we all got inside we tended to hang around the door for a while trying to figure out if jason and/or dawn was going to show up and scoping out the place to see how it was layed out. that was a pretty cool fucking skating rink back in the day. ive never seen a skating rink that looked that neat. they had REAL BATHROOMS! and a water fountain. and mirrored walls. and an actual dance area, with railings to lean on and watch the action from. and a damn juice bar type deal that sold real drinks and not just water. it was cool. i took my wig off within the first half hour of being in there and just set it on one of the covered pool tables and left it. it was a $6 wig from the toys r us ‘pretty pink princess’ section. what do i give a shit if i dont go home with it. i also saw adam, johns friend, for the second time, i believe. he really enjoyed the red blinking ball i brought.. did some real neat shit rolling it over his hands and stuff. if anyone wanted to see my blinking ball, i told them they had to make sure to give it back to me cause it was my kitties toy and he would miss it. i was sure not to lose it there after telling em that. 🙂
nothing really picked up until about 11. i ended up giving my glowsticks away since i dont know what the hell to do with them anyway and smoked a little.. we all pretty much stuck together and sat around waiting for oakenfold to come on. it was nothing but a rumor mill trying to figure out when he was going to appear, since there was no schedule and the label didnt even admit to putting the show on. i had gotten really excited around 10 cause i thought oakenfold was up, all i really knew about him was that hes short and has darkish skin.. had only seen one picture.. this guy was built a lot like him and had the same type of face. at the angle i was looking i really couldnt see him at all, but it didnt take me too long to realize it wasnt him. plus, someone was kind enough to point out to me that he was black. perhaps i should have sat a little closer. then the word was that he was sposed to go on at 11. while we were waiting for the egotistical oakenfold imposter to finish spinning (dave ralph, btw.) i met tyler, a canadian at his first rave, and on his first e. i had seen him talking to dan a moment earlier and wasnt too sure of him, he seemed really sweet but he also seemed like a talker.. so when he asked me if i was planning on doing any e that evening i told him no. they werent very drug friendly at that place. in fact, there was some poor kid sitting in a cop car outside when we had first gotten in line, now that i think about it. it just wasnt a good place to let it be known that you were carrying or had the intention of doing drugs. i talked to him for a bit.. and he promised to introduce me to his friends when he saw me again. called me ‘his angel’ and told me that there must be 5 of me walking around cause he had seen me so often. i didnt think i had walked around all that much.. but ok :). well, 10:45 came around, and the DJs were switched.. but was it oakie? no.. it was some white guy that no one knew of, except for the half of the club who thought he was oakenfold. 7 out of 10 people there would tell you it was him if you asked them. i found it really amusing, because even i knew it wasnt him and i had thought a fuckin black guy was.
so, for a while dan and i were entertained by asking people if the dj spinning then was oakenfold and having half say yes and half say no. i kept telling him, man. it wasnt oakenfold. this guy was tall and lanky and had a triangle shaped face. oakie has a stocky short build and a square face. and this guy wasnt half as good as oakenfold is, wasnt even spinning the same type of shit. i just couldnt believe that all these people who actually had to make an effort to even find out this show was being put on thought that jerkoff was oakenfold. around 15 after 11 i finally cracked, and took my first roll. i was exhausted and sleepy, i wasnt having that great of a time and i was fuckin tired of waiting for oakenfold to come on, which was when i had planned to drop my first. i had also expected him to come on at 10 or 11. we found a nice spot and quietly took our e (all of us) and sat in that corner for a while.. then came time for a bathroom break, which i took at the same time menglef wandered off on his own to the back of the club to go dance. when i came back i decided to get up and try to move around, cause if i didnt when it hit me i wouldnt ever want to move again. we wandered around for a little while and decided to stand on the dance floor where there werent too many people to get in the way of, which happened to be stage right.. in front of where we had been sitting virtually all night. it was here that the oakenfold enigma was finally solved, when dan finally settled the argument by asking the sound guy. imagine that, it wasnt oakenfold. 🙂
only at a rave do you receive kisses on the cheek for lighting someones cigarette for them. only at a rave, i say. obviously they dropped before i did. 🙂 dan and i both started coming up, while scott claimed he ‘didnt feel anything’, in the typical sarcastic ‘if its not instant gratification its not working’ scott way. i told him to just relax and quit thinking about it, waited 10 minutes and asked him again. still claimed nothing, but when i ran a hand through his hair his head flopped over. yeah, thats feeling nothing alright. i wont even get into how irritating i find people who claim shit isnt doing anything to them when you know damn well they’re coming up. you take a drug to enjoy the drug, not get all tense and impatient insisting its not working when it is. but, this was scotts first time.. so i didnt kill him. overall he enjoyed himself i think, even though the e smacked me dan and menglef into the ground and made him want to run a marathon or something. the rest of us were all in the corner giving each other backrubs and he was hopping around the dance floor not knowing what to do with all of his energy. to give you an idea of what farts these staff people at DV8 were, they kicked us off the damn stairs to a door that wasnt being used after sitting there for like 10 minutes. menglef commented on the lack of speed in his high, and slowly realized that he was on pure mdma and not the hopped up half meth shit you usually get, and while rubbing his arms cracked the sweetest smile. it was priceless. damn them for not letting me bring my camera.
finally, around midnight, everyone in the place started screaming. i looked up on stage and saw oakenfold with his HUGE smile and massive record collection working the crowd as he took his place at the tables. hes hotter in person than in that picture on global underground. much, much hotter. it was around this time that i remembered that my tranceport CD which i wanted him to sign was in my bag, in simons car, who had already left for the evening. he didnt take tuesday off, like i did.. and needed to leave early. i came to find out at work today that he actually thought that dumb white guy was oakenfold too, and he had actually seen oakenfold before. i find that really, weird. ill bet he just cranked up music real loud and called me to make me all jealous and shit but didnt really see him in south africa. 🙂
about 10 minutes after oakenfold started his set the e was hitting me big time. all i could really do was sit and rock back and forth i was so damn tired. the music was awesome and i felt really good, but man i was beat. it did the same to dan and menglef, but the complete opposite to scott. he was all pumped up and couldnt stop jumping around. ‘didnt i take the same stuff you guys did? it makes me feel like i wanna.. RUN.. or something.’ i stayed seated there for a while, then john joined me for a bit, and pointed out that someone had puked right where we had been sitting for most of the evening. it made me realize that every time i had gone to the bathroom to take a leak people were in there getting sick. i was really happy we had brought our own shit, none of us had to go through that. it was nice. during one of my runs i met a cute blond chick.. her name started with a j but ill be damned if i can remember it, it wasnt a common name, i know that much. i was next in line, and she really needed to go.. had her mouth covered and everything, so i let her, of course. she proceeded to thank me profusely afterwards and thankfully didnt actually have to throw up.. we talked for a little and parted ways, but not before she told me how cool she thought my wings were. 🙂 i got a lot of really nice comments on them, everyone who said anything thought they were really cool.
after sitting in a haze for a while, dan came up and informed me that oakenfold was signing autographs. i instantly got all bummed out because of my cd, and then he mentioned my ticket stub was signable. but i didnt have a pen! ..but oakenfold did. so, i made my way to the right edge of the stage, and waited patiently for his roadie to look over so i could hand him my ticket stub. it didnt take long, and he took it without really looking much or changing expression. about a minute later the idea hit me to have him sign my wings. HA HA! GOOD idea! what a souvenir, eh? so, i waited my turn again and handed my wings up, to which the roadie grinned and nodded at me, and pointed to oakenfold spinning and mouthed something to the effect ‘he’ll DEFINITELY sign em’. COOOOL! it was also this guys job to throw his arms up and make everyone scream, which explained to me why all of oakies live mixes that werent recorded straight from the soundboard always have people screaming in them 🙂
when it was time to take a moment to sign the stuff set up for paul the roadie grabbed my wings first and i stood there watching them both grin and giggle and nod. it was so fucking great. a big ‘fuck you’ to all those people who give me shit for wearing neat stuff like that. its cool. get over it. i got my wings handed back to me, another smile and a cool nod included. i couldnt stop fucking grinning. he signed my WINGS! it was just.. COOL. and the ‘O’ in Oakenfold was a SMILEY FACE! 😀 i felt so good. i turned around, and showed scott and dan who were both behind me.. got lots more smiles and nods, and of course ‘thats COOL!’ and a hug. i was so fucking bummed out that i didnt have my CD for him to sign.. and i ended up getting something so much better. they still had my ticket stub, so i continued to wait.
a few minutes after i had put my wings back on, a really cute kid.. prolly 18 or so, with jewels stuck on his face.. brought up a yellow teletubby. now, dont get me wrong, i hate teletubbys.. but it was something halfway original that he had brought exclusively for oakenfold to sign, and come to find out that it was his girlfriends, who was sick and couldnt make the show. his hopes were so high.. and he was so excited to get this thing signed for his girl. the roadie took it and set it up with the rest of the stuff, and we both waited excitedly for paul to sign it. we hadnt waited very long, when the DJ that had been on just before paul (the one who most people thought was paul) came up on stage to talk to pauls roadie, about.. something. dont really know. the roadie pointed out the teletubby and smiled, in one of those ‘god i hate those things’ ways. the other DJ then picked it up, extended his left arm with the tubby in his right, looked at the crowed and faked throwing it. my smile quickly dissipated as i stood there wondering if he was actually going to THROW it. he faked again. just as i was thinking, ok.. two fakes.. he wont do it, he chucked the damn thing into the crowed.
my mouth dropped open and my eyes got huge with disbelief. i think the phrase ‘what the fuck’ may have leaked out, too, as i turned to look at this poor fucking kid just staring up at the stage like he absolutely couldnt believe that the someone could be such a total asshole. there was a noticeable ‘boooo’ from the crowd, too. i really thought he was going to cry. i looked back and glared at the jerk, and at the roadie laughing at the jerk, AND at paul laughing at the laughing jerk.. and got SO FUCKING PISSED. i was actually frozen with PISSED. i wanted to go get his doll back but all i could do was stand there with my fists clenched and be PISSED! i really wanted to fucking climb up there and pelt the jackass. had two staff members not been sitting two feet from me i most likely would have.. but it was obvious that there was no way up there. once the fucker who had thrown it left, the roadie slowly realized how appalled i was and apologized to me, because he really didnt have anything to do with it.. and also didnt know why the boy wanted it signed. it didnt take the kid long to find his teletubby and come back. we both exchanged beaten down looks and i thought he was going to walk away, so i took the doll from him and leaned over the stage, holding the it in front of me, making it dance. like ‘hi, im back, dickhead.’. when the guy reached down to take it again, the kid got his attention and explained to him why he wanted paul to sign it. his expression totally changed and he apologized to him, like he should have done in the first place (to the boy, not to me), and put his teletubby in front of everything else. the tubby throwing prick came up one more time, and i got to enjoy watching him get scolded by pauls roadie for being such a dick. i knew there was a reason why i didnt like him, besides the fact that the shit he spun sucked ass.
during the next signing session paul was informed about the history of tubby and looked back at the two of us before signing the little plastic screen of the doll with his ‘happy O’ signature. the roadie blew on the ink in an effort to help it dry and handed it back to me, nodding in apology to the both of us. i gave it to its rightful owner who greatfully hugged me and grinned at the new addition on his girlfriends teletubby. it was a beautiful moment indeed. all was forgiven. mostly. i obviously still think that anyone who will just throw someone elses fucking property into a crowd of people when they turn it over for a momento like an autograph is a fucking asshole. i really wish i knew who the hell that DJ was. what a fucking cocksucker.
i still hadnt received my stub back, so i continued to wait.. and reminded the guy that he still had mine. after getting that signed also (no happy face for ticket stubs. :)) i tried to get pauls attention, to blow him a kiss. well, it didnt really work when i was TRYING to get him to look at me, but it did when i just stopped all together. he happened to look over, and not look away. i had the PERFECT opportunity to kiss my fingertips and blow it at him. his face lit up in an unbelievable smile and he nodded at me, making some kind of hand motion like a cross between a wave and a thumbs up. i smiled at him for another second or so, and walked away. not only did i get my wings signed, i made someone elses night by backing them up when they were wronged, i got my ticket stub signed, paul SAW me blow him a kiss and smiled his ass off, and *I* was the one who broke eye contact, and walked away. i couldnt have asked for a better 20 minutes. to celebrate, i took my second roll.
the rest of the show we hung out mostly. scott danced a lot, menglef kinda did his own thing. i think dan and i stuck together the most. at one point, i was walking through the crowd to get to the bathroom, and i heard the remix of radioheads street spirit fade in. i stopped on a dime and started dancing hardcore for my friend t12. hes a HUGE radiohead fan, and we both discovered that paul played this song while listening to mood radio together one night. i didnt even know it was coming, we were both on irc and started screaming ‘RADIOHEAD!’ at the same time. it was cool. i was really hoping paul would play it. i even have my own version of the original radiohead song.. ive just never recorded it. maybe i should. menglef happened to be walking with me when i hear the song and stopped.. he had never heard it before, but like any good radiohead it swept him away quickly. i suppose being picked up and spun around helped in that sensation as well. of the other stuff i recognized, most of them were mixes i really enjoyed. he was so worth the wait. so worth it. so worth the money. so worth the time off work. so fucking worth it. after having my wings signed and helping that boy out, and him playing street spirit, nothing could top it.. so i just sat around and enjoyed the rest of the show. once the lights came back on and everyone started filtering outside, we all decided we would rather go where the boom boom was (the drum and bass room downstairs) and try to chill there as long as possible before we got kicked out. it was neat down there, the walls were mirrored and had condensation on them, which was a perfect opportunity to draw. i remember menglef drawing his signature evil face, and then i went up and drew garfield. and odie. and some.. ghost type person thing. then the lights went off, and we had to leave.
we walked outside, down the street to a payphone. i dont even remember how we ended up calling a cab, i think there was a phone book there or something.. i just remember telling the guy to pick us up someplace other than the club so no one tried to gank my cab. the person on the phone suggested the best western directly in front of us and i actually found myself impressed by the fact that he knew it was there, even if he was looking at a computer which told him. after hanging up we walked over there, and stood in the doorway between the outside sliding doors and the lobby sliding doors. it only took the bitch receptionist 30 seconds to get on her walkie talky and call security on us, for simply standing there. i was fucking COLD, damnit! so we end up having to stand outside, while a big fat black security guard glared at us until the cab came. i told him we were just waiting for a god damn cab, you know. but thats his job i guess.
we made our first stop at a 24 safeway for the morning (it was around 3am by now), picked up some candy since we didnt have any anymore and about 15 cans of whipped cream. we went to the checkout counter and the clean cut dr drew look alike clerk just gave us this.. look. 🙂 at first i told him we were baking a cake. he didnt buy that. so, i told him we were having a whipped cream orgy. the funny thing is that this guy believed us, and started telling us about the orgy HE had in college. it was an experience. menglef had really wanted blow pops, which apparently safeway doesnt carry.. so this started an ongoing search for blow pops in every store we went to. in fact, after safeway we also stopped at a bartells to see if they carried them there, with no luck. even the cabby went in and bought himself some coffee. we took the cab back to the hotel and all took showers, two at a time since we had two full bathrooms in the hotel room. my god that shower felt good. the pressure was perfect and the water was uber warm, i had thought ahead and brought a travel sized salon selectives shampoo so i would have the familiar smell and my facewash to get all the glitter and shit off my face. it was really comfy. i think it was the only shower i have ever taken where i had an apple tootsie pop in my mouth, which i so thoughtfully left laying in the soap dish. i ended up doing my share of the whippets we got in a towel. for the next 45 minutes or so we all sat around sucking up hippy crack and talking, but 15 cans at one shot a can didnt go far for us, and we were soon up and ready to get more. i got dressed in my plaid jammies and threw shoes on, dan did the same, and we were all off to another store to clear them out.
i called another cab, and we ended up going to the safeway at the end of broadway on capitol hill. dan picked 25 cans there (all that they had) and some more candy which we never ate. we searched again for blow pops to no avail, bought our whippets without incident and hopped back in the cab. back to the hotel with us. the conversation was getting really entertaining by this point. i mean, dan had us all going with stories of how he would suck dick for drugs for 15 minutes before he finally told us he was kidding. we talked about the joys of booty bumpin, too.. and contemplated if any of us would actually shove a drug up our ass in the hopes that it would be absorbed faster. i wouldnt. nothing goes UP my ass, mmkay. although, i hear the vaginal canal has the same type of absorbency. someone send me an acid laced dildo for my birthday!
that batch of whip was gone by 5am. dan and i were SO not done. we were talking about how we needed more e, and i mentioned how damn cool it would be if i actually had HOOKUPS out here. you know, like a real dealer. you buy your drugs from them and they go away and leave you to do them. and i want a hookup that delivers. like dominos. would have been nice, but we decided to go for another run to a store for more whippets. this time we planned out a strategy. to go to TWO stores, instead of one, and clear them out. by the time we were done with the ghetto nitrous, the REAL nitrous store would be open, and we could go there and buy up some real charges and a cracker. good plan huh.
so, i call ANOTHER cab and we all get up and go, since if by this point you werent awake enough to haul your ass downstairs and into a cab you werent awake enough to do any more nitrous either. nobody liked the sound of that. menglef even went down without any shoes. 🙂 hey, someone had to stay in the cab so they would stick around anyway. this was the first time we had gotten lip from anyone the whole night, since the dude at DV8 told me to get rid of my bag. this cabby was a jerkoff. his cab smelled real neat. like oranges, and i commented on it.. and he sternly said ‘ORANGE CAB!’ which is the company we kept calling. gee, sorry for commenting on the fact that your cab didnt stink like ass along with everyone elses. butthole.
we cleared out two QFCs, the one near pike and the one across from the safeway at the end of broadway. and i mean cleared them fuckers out. the first QFC was a fairly uneventful purchase.. i do think the guy actually said ‘huh huh.. whippets.’ though. at least thats what i remember. the second, however, was hilarious. save the best for last i guess. this little asian guy checked us out, and didnt understand why we were getting so much whipped cream. to make it even better, we had gotten tampons during this last run and put the box on top. i told the guy we were having an orgy, and he got this huge grin on his face and said ‘”aahh ha ha! that sound like LOT of fun ah! i invited? ahh ha ha!”. so, dan chimes in.. ‘do you have any more whipped cream?’ to which i added ‘yeah man, if you can just bring us out a flat of the shit we’ll invite you. what time do you get off work?’. it was really funny. we must have picked up at least 50 cans in those two runs. i think in the end everyone had 13, and we had one rogue. the rogue was the odd can which everyone had to take a suck off of since it wouldnt be fair to give it to someone exclusively. we actually had one for the 25 can sitting too, but i think dan ended up having it. somehow, i dont remember every actually doing that.. but still, we had come up with a new term to remember the evening by.
during every hippy crack sitting we pretty much sat around talking. about all sorts of shit. the booty bumping kept coming up over and over, we would all find perfect opportunities to bring it up again, go off on it for 5 minutes, then go on to talking about something else. its funny, i would bring up a subject or story, start talking about it, go off on some other tangent, and come back to that same story 2 hours later. the conversation flowed real well and everyone seemed really comfortable with each other, except for scott when dan was talking about sucking dick for e. i dont think that visual went over very well with him. 🙂 this last batch of ghetto nitrous lasted us about 3 and a half hours, since we talked a lot between sucks and had a decent amount.. plus all the other cans we had previously had settled, so we would toke off of those trying to get the last little bit out of em so as not to waste any. at an average of $2 a pop, that shit wasnt cheap. everyone was done by about 9. scott and menglef crashed in the living room area while dan and i chilled on a bed and talked til it was time to get ready to check out, and clean the room up.
we checked out around 11:30, and damnit if it wasnt rainy and cold. no fucking jacket. argh. dan and i rode in the beast, while scott and menglef drove the kitty to pike place market to meet us there. i had a hell of a time getting out of my parking space, i hardly had a foot to move in either direction. i ended up hitting both cars getting out and having to make a 3 point turn in the middle of the street to turn the right way, then made another U turn to get going in the right direction. it was prolly a 15 minute drive there, and another 5 minutes driving in circles trying to find a parking spot. it was the time for circle driving, i spose.
we went to the underground shops at pike place market and i wandered around for a while looking for the head shop whitey and i get charges and crackers from. it didnt take me too long to find it, even though that place is a total fucking maze to anyone who doesnt know the layout well. when we got to the store i stopped outside of it and pointed to the ‘pipe place’ sign plastered to the post outside of the store and asked dan if that was ‘head shop’ enough for him. he grinned and went inside. while there a really cute tank top hanging up real high caught my eye, and i decided to grab it. perfect little white tank for my perfect little white tank look that i always have. im not supposed to mention how scott jumped around like a gimp trying to get it for me, and just go straight to the part where he successfully lifted me up to get it myself. so i wont mention the part where he jumped around like a gimp trying to get it for me. nope. 🙂
the commotion from scott jumping around like a gimp trying to get the shirt down for me had caught the clerks attention, and she asked if we needed help about the time that we successfully got it down. i waddled over to her and handed her the shirt and said ‘i want this!’ hehe. for some reason i think the custom is to ask for whichever one they have in your size from the counter so they can go in the back and grab it. but hell no. i wanted THAT one. i also picked up labret jewelry for whitey, one of them spike ones.. while dan and scott picked up 6 boxes of 24 charges each, and a brass cracker. we were originally going to get a box for each of us, but then realized that we would just end up wanting more. whats 6 * 24 anyway? 144. 144 fuckin charges after already having close to 100 cans of whipped cream. and two hits of e. huh huh.
on our way out of the underground maze of stores after stopping by a magic shop for balloons and only being able to get animal balloons there, we walked by a store that had those life sized stand ups for sale that had a few on display standing up outside the store. the one of princess lea in that god awful gold outfit caught my eye. i noticed it was like $33 and just couldnt understand why anyone would want to pay that much for a fuckin life sized standup of her. i asked out loud if i was the only person in the world who DOESNT think that princess lea is hot. dan stopped in his tracks and looked at me strangely, and for a moment there i thought he was going to say ‘WHAT? you dont think princess lea is hot?!’ but instead he busted out with ‘you just READ MY FUCKING MIND! thats EXACTLY what i was about to say! like, to the letter’. cool. one other oddity like me in the world. princess lea was an annoying bitch. great minds…
dan and i went on a rite aid mission to get balloons while scott and menglef went to menglefs apartment in wallingford. all i knew was that it was on 50th, so i figured i would find my way there from the U district fairly easily. but, like i said, i didnt drive dan one place where i didnt have to make 5 fuckin U turns to get there. it took us about a half hour just to get into the general area of menglefs place, then we drove around in circles forever trying to find it. once we finally parked he told me he had seen us drive by like three times. well damnit, why didnt you run out into the street or something and get our attention? 🙂
once inside menglefs place we popped in 2001, since until now we didnt have a VCR. the hotel wanted a $200 fucking deposit when renting the damn VCR for a night was only $10. by the time we decided to actually do that, it was too late and we couldnt rent the thing til 7am. i had brought a bunch of movies to watch.. but we ended up listening to my oakenfold cds all night anyway. menglef had never seen 2001. still hasnt, actually. after fighting with the cracker which had a really shitty seal that let all the gas out the middle instead of into the balloon for about 20 minutes, dan and i decided it was time to track down a whipped cream dispenser.. and out came the phonebook for the 5th time. he found a kitchen supply store that was relatively close, in Uvillage, that had them for sale for $59 when they’re usually about $80. we decided to go for it. once again i drove him around in circles trying to figure out where i was going for a while, then finally got oriented enough to get to where we were going.
we walked in there after first wandering around on foot for a little while.. being fairly out of place. this was an upscale joint, man. the lady he had talked to on the phone had set aside one of the damn things for him without even knowing he was going to pick it up. everyone was really friendly and nice.. they just had no idea that we might be mis-using the thing. while we were bringing rung up they asked us if we needed any extra charges. then the chick says ‘this makes it SO much easier, you’ll love it.’ i was really trying hard not to laugh. after dan said no, i just had to say something or i was gonna pop. so in a naggy girlie voice i whined at dan to hurry up and pay for the damn thing because my souffle was going to set and i wasnt gonna have my damned whipped cream ready. i dont know if a god damn souffle sets or not. i know nothing about them actually, besides that they’re hard to make. he quickly replied ‘yes, honey.’ and it just sounded so damn REAL.. it was almost scary. to anyone who didnt know us it must have looked like we were married or something. i ended up laughing anyway.
the ride back was fairly uneventful. not too many U turns, or anything. we were just excited about not having to deal with that shitty cracker anymore. if only we could have gotten a damn tank. unfortunately there isnt anywhere to get em at 3-8am and we had spent a pretty penny on whipped cream by the time it was realistically possible. it was totally cool and worth it, though. kept us entertained. the remainder of the day was spent sitting around menglefs apartment sucking up N2O and suffocating our brains. by the time the charges were half gone i was up to 5 in a row, one after the other. dan and i were good about keeping everyone set up. some funny shit happened, of course, but this god damn thing is too long already. lets just say that nitrous kicked scotts ass, menglef had a good time, and that dan and i are fuckin hardcore. all the charges had been poked around 5pm when we all layed around on the brink of sleep for a good half hour or so, before i got up and drove dan to a supermarket to catch a cab to the airport. hes a real good guy. im really glad he made it up.. the night wouldnt have been half as fun without him.