It starts off in a house, that feels like Lys’, where I currently live.. but isn’t. The house in this dream is bigger and nicer. I think we’re rich. Ly and my dad are going to go out to the movies or something, but shes doing a little touch up mopping before they have to go. I stand there while she talks to me a little bit about feeling like she has multiple personalities sometimes, because she gets so moody, and I tell her I’m the same way too.
Some guy calls me on the phone, but my dad picks up. Realizing who it is, he gives a very cheery hello and immediately hands the phone to me. Its’ my soon to be husband, telling me hes coming home from work soon and to get ready. This is one of those “you’re going to marry him and thats final” parental things, or somehow I had just gotten myself into it and couldnt get out. I dont even know who this guy is really, in the dream or right now. I know hes nice, hes kind, hes good for me and to me, and that I dont love him.
I go out to the car and see ly and dad off, then go back inside to get dressed and what not. I dont know where exactly hes taking me but I have some idea of where it might be. When he comes home he has a single rose wrapped in his arms, and inside I tear up knowing that I dont love him.. knowing he thinks that I do.. and wishing he wasnt so fucking good to me.
He slowly rids me of my dress and lays me down on a big fluffy bed, I suppose ours.. and makes love to me. I dont like it, but I dont dislike it.. it was one of the few times I felt needed and loved instead of betrayed and used while having sex with someone, although the kisses and the act itself were brisk and short.
I roll over in bed after taking a 20 minute nap to make sure he is still asleep. When I find that he is I look at the golden clock on the wall and slip out of bed quickly. I’m late. I put simple jeans and a t-shirt on and take one last look at my husband, letting out a soft sigh as I decide to myself that I cant marry him. I walk out of the door with a pack of cigarettes and $2 change.
I almost run into my dad on the way out. He and ly had fought, and he was trying to figure out what to do. He asked me to go to the movies with him. I said yes, helped him pack a lunch (consisting of one brownie).. got in the car and left.
I walk into the huge theater feeling rather overwhelmed, and alone. I dont know where my dad ended up. There was one person who resembled John Lovetz behind the long counter by the popcorn. To my left was a large carpeted area being shampoo’d by some machine.. looked like a bissle.
The man behind the counter said something to the effect “be careful, the manager is shampooing the rug over there”, and as I turned to look again the man with the carpet shampooer came running towards me, then stopped short of running into one of those burgundy and gold separators you find at the nicer theaters.. gold stands and burgundy velvet separators. Foam shot up all around him and he laughed. I then turned back to the attendant behind the counter and looked at him to imply that I was ready to order.
“what can i getcha?”
“large.. coke.”
“ok, what can i getcha?”
“uh.. and some popcorn .. with butter.”
“what can i getcha?”
“thats it”
“you sure? what can i getcha?”
As I was about to say I was sure, Frank walked up behind me and put his arms around my waist. I’m sure it was him.. it felt like him. It smelled like him. His hair was still longer in the dream.. he got it cut recently so its short.. but I know it was him.
He locked his elbows around me and rested his head on the back of my neck, and all my troubles immediately melted away. I let out a soft sigh and leaned into him slightly, not realizing how tired I had been. I was vaguely aware of the people waiting behind us in line, and the guy behind the counter asking me for his money. I snapped back long enough to pay him the 22 cents he charged me and forget about the coke and popcorn before stepping away from the line.
I felt so tired and run down, and before I turned to frank to face him I saw myself. Almost like a camera change of some sort, or I was looking in a mirror. This is so rare in my dreams for me to actually be recognizable *in* the dream. Most of the time I know it’s me and thats about it.
It was just my face, but it said a lot. My hair was sweat-ridden, my face almost white except for the many red blotches formed everywhere. Beneath my left eye, was an abrasion of some sort.. and on my left cheek what looked like a large scar, which curled around towards my ear. It would change from a milky-white to purple, like the scars on my thighs, to pitch black.. and back again.
But he still looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing on earth. I was having trouble breathing by this time, so I heaved softly while staring into his eyes, as he did mine. He reached over and brushed some hair away from my face, leaned down and kissed me. Soft and warm, while his fingertips moved slowly from the back of my neck to just under my chin, and then away.
He broke the kiss as softly as he had presented it, looked at me for a while longer then quietly informed me that he had the tickets. I just leaned into him for support, my head resting where his shoulder met his neck, breathing.. swaying myself slowly back and forth to keep from just falling..
Suddenly, I’m in a dark room with lots of shit packed everywhere, cement walls and floor. Someone is sitting on a box or something.. all i can really see is the cherry from his cigarette and his silhouette. He’s obviously the boss. There is another man, apparently whom I know.. because he came up to me like he did, and told me to follow him. Frank is gone, but I dont feel concerned for some reason, like I can tell he is nearby.
As I follow this person I dont know but seems to know me, I think about how I never thought I could actually have an affair with someone.. no matter who I was with. But here I was living a double life. I loved my husband in some way, I’m sure.. but I loved Frank so much more. He was everything to me.
Now I’m sitting next to frank in a movie theater, watching the screen as a woman is lead around a dark room with shit piled everywhere. I turn to my left to see frank there, looking back at me. I started feeling waves of numbness and certain tingles, as I fell over slightly and jerked myself back up with a soft gasp.
As the person who led me to this room sets up whatever he wants to show me, I keep watch to make sure the boss or my dad doesnt come in. I have no clue why my dad would be there, but I was looking anyway.
Turns out guy had a little square of glass, in some kind of setting with a handle to show me. It looked like it was made of clear plastic. He set that in a tray, on some kind of box with a lever on it. He pulled the lever and out popped a D battery, plain.. with no labeling besides a simple $75. For some reason, thats how expensive batteries were in this place. Seems electric power and batteries are hard to come by here, and this guys boss sells them on the black market. My dad buys from them in order to continue living comfortably. This guy figured out some way to make a battery, or clone one.. or something.. for free. Then sell it for what it was worth.
I slowly look down and realize my palms are sweaty, and that I need to shift in my chair. My head is so light I feel like im floating in the middle of nowhere. I turn to frank again and wait for him to look towards me. It doesnt take very long. The noise of the movie seems to have been muted.
“love” I whisper, hearing my own voice bounce through strange chambers in my head. echoing.
“hm?”
“do i look.. alright?” (softly gasping)
he smiles, uncomfortably so, and nods.
“yes, of course you do. you look just fine”
As he sets his hand on my shoulder, I feel the warmth of it sweep up my shoulder and down my arm. I’m freezing, as though I were loosing all my blood or drowning in a freezing river. I look back at him and see the fear in his eyes, and I realize that he knows I’m dying too.
I swirl around to see the boss standing in the doorway, looking at me. He promptly shoots his employee and stares me down. I reach in my pocket and pull out my cigarettes, while the boss holds his gun to his side, contemplating what to do next. I notice there is battery acid on the ground, so I lean over and use it to light my cigarette. It actually lit, but the first drag was rather tart. I offer the boss a cigarette and he takes it, lighting it off the same acid i did.
Now laying in my chair more than sitting, I start to shake and sweat, while all frank can do is watch the screen.
“what now?” I asked softly
“I dont know” boss replied
And with that, something about the scene changes. A breeze starts flowing through.. and I hear deep sounds, almost like breathing. Then a deep voice whispers through my head “it’s time.”
Frank watches the screen franticly, turning quickly from the screen to me and back again.
Dread fills everything inside me, as something that I cant see smashes me into a wall and holds me there by my neck, choking me. It then begins twisting and digging at my right eye. My chest heaves up and down, slower every time. I feel a momentary sharp pain as I hear franks whisper bounce along the chambers in my head. “please be alright.” The thing lets my limp body fall to the cement floor.
As my head hits and everything begins to fade out, I wake up.