My choreography for my (public, and for charity) performance on the 22nd is basically already written, and basically always was. Though I haven’t had the chance to perform my favorite act very often, I know it like the curve of my own hip. I also know whatever changes I do make, or whatever snafu’s happen during the act, my 11 years of experience will ensure that the impact to the performance is small.
I try to strike the balance between over-rehearsing transitions, new choreography, and things that torque my body with being prepared – and I never really have found a comfortable place with that, yet. But I have figured out something, or seen it a little differently – which seems to be what happens when I perform aerial nowadays.
Part of what I’m changing/enhancing this time, with this act that grows as I grow, is the ground work and storytelling. I decided over a week ago that for part of the act I’ll be wearing a mask. A mask that I have a slight concern about seeing through and handling gracefully within the act that keeps eating quietly at me in the in the back of my mind.
I walk past this mask countless times every day. I’ve yet to take it off its display perch and put it on. Feel how it limits me and frees me at the same time, decide how I want it tied, what to do about how it will effect my hair. It would take.. maybe 15 minutes. Maybe.
And still, whenever I think of the act, I have this gnawing sense of dysfunction, like something about it is fundamentally broken. Like it’s going to suck. Like I have gone too long without performing it and it’s not in me anymore. Like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’ve been looking all over for what I’ve been missing, what move I don’t know well enough, how I’m going to hurt myself or screw up.
But if I look at the performance objectively, that fucking mask is the only question I really have about it. What the hell am I waiting to be ready for?
Procrastination is such a demon bitch.
Edit: Mask works great. And other ideas are flooding in now, too.