AHA!! I finally figured out why I am so pissed & frustrated about my art not selling more, EVEN THOUGH I LIKE IT and don’t mind having it around, AND why it’s felt so much more primal and deep than just having trouble making a charmed living.
The more art I collect the less room I have to expand and create more of it. Energetically and spacially. My art is heavy.
In graduating into a new approach toward the external value of my artwork, I have been feeling energetically choked and restricted by the creative outlet that keeps me sane. Since bringing 95% of the Poco show home with me, I have created no hands-on visual art at all.
Yet, at the same time, I have been forcing myself to work through the funk, making plans and producing an album which has seemed like more bulk that I have to resign myself to most likely having to keep around me and in my heart.
It’s felt really fucking gross and awful. And it’s been confusing to feel so terrible and worthless lately and not know why, which tends to help me feel more frustrated and angry at myself for not knowing wtf is going on or being able to fucking fix it.
It’s been particularly upsetting to feel so wretched when people ARE actively supporting my work and buying things from me. Collectively I have sold more pieces of visual art in this last year than the rest of my life COMBINED and I’ve had almost no capacity to truly celebrate or appreciate those small victories. I’m desperate for something big to tell me I’m worthwhile.
Blegh..