Serendipitous gifts

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” James Baldwin Just now, I texted everyone I have a current iMessage conversation with “Thank you for being human with me”. It is because […]

For Kirsten

I told you so There is nothing So precious As a sisterhood That softly cautions Of ones ability To disregard Our profound knowing Instead, to fill His jagged caverns Brimmed in untapped dark With the naive light Of our hopeful Imagination


Simultaneously like yesterday, yet longer ago than it seems, I was about two months into Year of the Nee, my official year of celibacy and no intoxicants. I’d come to embark upon that decision in large part due to my romantic relationships and the patterns I had seen in them, one of those patterns being […]

Full Circle Zita

My signature (nude) aerial silks piece started as a homage to sexual relationship, to not giving up on loving someone, even when you get bucked off. The act began as a physical illustration of the struggle to shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and how sex can contribute to the […]

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

What’s in a name?

Identity. So, everything, basically. Yesterday I started the transition of my identity from Courtnee Fallon Papastathis to Courtnee Fallon Rex. I tried this name on briefly a while back when I was messing around with choosing one that left me harder to search for but also somewhat easy to recognize. Interestingly, the email account I […]

The path to Enwhitenment

This is one of the most brilliantly written, keenly observed social criticisms I’ve ever read. It rings in part for just about every spiritual white person I’ve ever met, including myself; I both mirror my own misguided aspects of it, and fiercely recognize this as a set of core ideals in SO many people I’ve […]

The infirmary

Injured, fed, home. Playing the walking dead game, sitting in the perception that there are worse imaginable things I could be going through, like it were a mental stitz bath. This has let me feel something, other than my mental anguish, my how the fuck could they, my I can’t believe this happened, my why […]

A few years ago my dear friend Matt Lewis once mused during lunch about “What you could accomplish if someone just wrote you a check”. I fantasized for a moment, and quickly snickered. Like that would ever happen. Fast forward to now, when I’ve just had one of the most interesting conversations of my life. […]


I had a get last night. A pretty big one. A few of them really, but one in particular that brought about a bit of an ‘ugh’ along with the ‘ah ha!’. It came about while reading the rather surprisingly amazing comments on this post, about a female artist who creates a series of self […]

I really need to get a selfie fisting money into my bloody mouth for economical posts like this…

”If a man has an apartment stacked to the ceiling with newspapers we call him crazy. If a woman has a trailer house full of cats we call her nuts. But when people pathologically hoard so much cash that they impoverish the entire nation, we put them on the cover of Fortune magazine and pretend […]

Why We Bleed Art by Satyros Phil Brucato

My talented author friend wrote this article about the plight of true artistry. I have vivid memories of reading it a few years ago, and when it comes along my newsfeed, I don’t re-read it very often. It’s powerful stuff, and sometimes I don’t want to cry and feel all torn open and understood. But […]

Carefree with a side of Silence

Tonight I belted out the fastest, most upbeat original piano waltz from I don’t know where (I do, but I also don’t), as part of the suite of musical pieces I am creating with only a vague understanding of what it is they will be used for. The piece transcended anything I’ve ever done musically, […]

“Love is the very difficult understanding that something other than yourself is real.” – Iris Murdoch

Violence and Silence: Jackson Katz, Ph.D

Everything about this video is Good Shit. Everything.

Meeting the maker

I’m pretty sure I’m at another one of those places in my life where a big internal shift is about to click into place after multiple weeks of limping around funny, like when every step hurts your ankle because the bones aren’t lining up quite right. I am transforming. It is intense and embarrassing and […]

“I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on […]

“Our fear is the measure of our absence.” – David Whyte

Gatekeeper covering Lisa

Holy shit. It’s Liddell. I don’t know if anyone else can hear it but me. She started taking over at 1:30, and letting go around 3:45. Though it was seamless and natural while I did it, I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard to something I’ve recorded before in my life as I realized […]

Jack Gilbert 1925 – 2012

This reminds my of how my mind works if I let words happen without grooming them first. I am glad Jack lived a long life. “How astonishing it is that language can almost mean, and frightening that it does not quite. Love, we say, God, we say, Rome and Michiko, we write, and the words […]

Women in Art

Amazing. Women In Art from Philip Scott Johnson on Vimeo.

“Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God, and the only living thing that behaves like it hasn’t got one.” – Bruce Robinson

I, Anonymous

You Should Have Bought a Lottery Ticket by ANONYMOUS My sin was asking you not to cut in front of my son and me, and the other 10 people in the membership line, at Costco. You blew up and challenged me to a fight in front of my 3-year-old son. For the record: I am […]

Now, and then.

From, circa 2002. i sing most of the time when i record or play something, its to sing more than anything else. although singing just wouldnt be the same without my own accompaniment, its still my favorite part of the whole process. my voice is my main instrument, as i hope will always be […]

“There are no starving artists. You’re starving because you’re bad at art.” -Tosh