“I’ve watched men go through two phases, myself included. First, you have to unlearn being sexist. Then, you have to come to the realization that your silence is approval of sexist behavior. That second one is hard. Both involve having to make peace with the fact that your previous self was responsible for harm.” — […]

Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.

As my rape culture post has circulated on Medium, and the conversation has continued, I’ve found myself annoyed. The men who are talking, nearly invariably, debate. They argue the definition of consent, they argue the definition of rape, they tell me I’m being too hard on myself and others, they worry about the definition of […]

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

Tech: The Newest Frontier of White Supremicy

I was just talking with an old friend about the ‘boys club’ we were a part of when I worked with him in tech. This article, in my opinion, is spot on – and I relate to the experiences of invalidation, lack of support, and having the sexist and marginalizing behaviors of others defended against […]

In defense of the men

Lately, I’ve been observing a few racial and feminist activists on twitter complaining about white people and men (especially white men) butting into their conversations about their experiences of oppression. It’s been an interesting ride. I mirror a number of the sentiments and questions those white people have posed to black activists, and very much […]