On minimization as patriarchal reflex

To follow up on that post about at least starting to learn about something that is painfully obvious to women: patriarchy inflicts the stress of constant bodily vigilance at best and acute terror at worse: All the comments were amazing. So many stood out, like those that reported on strategies for increasing safety in taxis. […]

#hotline

Lately, I have been very raw and sensitive and emotionally reactive. Being that way comes with effects, which include being oversensitive to damaging others. Things like feeling really gutted for days if I unintentionally hurt someones feelings, and digging too hard into myself to look for subconscious sinister motivation, when I forget or misconstrue boundaries […]

Brought to you by Instagram

I’ve been observably manic since last week, and my appointment with my social worker was canceled this week. I’ve fallen into the online social justice trap after a successful march on Sunday where I stepped into the opportunity to utilize my skills and street medic, expecting that I would have the aftercare of a therapy […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Thanks for giving: a shit. 

Third rockin’ass orgasm of the day. Enjoying the hell out of my solo day-long water fast. Fuck your oppressive shitass holidays. — https://instagram.com/p/BNNjpf5hffd/ Water fasting as of midnight last night. Had no idea when I decided to do this a year ago, take the next step in personally divesting from the lies and the cognitive […]

I think.

If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love, […]

My Last Spoon

Inner Voice 1, immediately after taking the first pull in weeks from ther dab rig: “She AGREED to it! How is this NOT her fault?” Inner Voice 2: “You mean it ISN’T our fault all this happened?” Inner Voice 1: “Dude. You warned her about what the fucking cat needed. You told her she was […]

Serendipitous gifts

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” James Baldwin Just now, I texted everyone I have a current iMessage conversation with “Thank you for being human with me”. It is because […]

ANNIVERSARY: NAME DAY

Every year, google calendar reminds me that June 27th is my Name Day. Unlike my birthday, which is a passive obligation based in celebrating something I had very little to do with, my name day brings me a sense of pride and reverence for myself and the work I have done to actualize my own […]

Road Update: Summer in the PNW

I’m back in the Seattle area for a few months over the summer, recovering and enjoying being able to stand upright in my house again. Interestingly, the room I had rented from a friend for almost 3 years was available when I arrived, so I am back in my old house, with some of my […]

Pies

Huh. Baking pies is fucking messy. Like seriously, the oven is a battlefield. Guts dripped everywhere. It’s a strawberry and rhubarb. Strawberry and rhubarb that I helped harvest today at the farm, and then came home and made a fucking pie out of it. For the filling I used brown sugar, lemon zest/juice, cinnamon, a […]

Corners Turned

It’s too early to tell precisely. But I suspect I may have stumbled onto something I’d like to do for a while, which helps me to feel less powerless in the world, gets me outside, teaches me to grow food, teaches me about land preservation, restoration, and conservation, shows me how to effectively irrigate using […]

Full moon in Scorpio

They say the full moon in Scorpio signifies transformation. In particular, they say it will illuminate things that need to be released and let go. They also mention that it probably won’t feel very good. I don’t know about all that. But I do know that I’ve felt like massive shit lately. Like, really, really […]

HEALING UPDATE: When I am ready, I do NOT fuck around.

^^^^ This is what waking up clean, in a clean bed, that I can stretch out in, looks like. Thank you SO MUCH to my pals Michael and Jill for gifting me with a hotel room last night. I needed it. Lemmie tell ya why: I’ve been coming to a clearing for a while, since […]

ROAD UPDATE: Fort Walton Beach

Originally posted to my Patrons at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4470079 Right now I am hanging out in the van with the side door open, out of the wind but in the sun from my waist down. The temperature is perfect like this, mid 60’s and cloudless, and I still have lots of time left in my day to […]

“I am too intelligent, too demanding, and too resourceful for anyone to be able to take charge of me entirely. No one knows me or loves me completely. I have only myself” ― Simone de Beauvoir

Next up: The Bosque Village

The conversations have been had, the mutual admiration has been expressed, the values and goals are well aligned, the time is right, the action item list is soft drafted. I’ve the plane ticket and the passport renewal submitted in plenty of time (presuming no catastrophic postal issues) and am thus ready to let the population […]

For Kirsten

I told you so There is nothing So precious As a sisterhood That softly cautions Of ones ability To disregard Our profound knowing Instead, to fill His jagged caverns Brimmed in untapped dark With the naive light Of our hopeful Imagination

Belonging

I used to think I would never find a place I belonged. The lonliness filled me to the point that for a long time I didn’t even have the energy to wander anymore, looking for it, literally or figuratively. I’d talk myself out of going anywhere I felt I might find my place before the […]

Maui 2015

Back in April, with a little help from my friends, I returned to Maui for a week, where I was expertly whisked directly from the airport to Baldwin beach. OH GOD THE WATER SO GOOD SO GOOD OH GOD OH GOD SHO GHOOOOOOOD OH GHAAAAAD — Facebook Mostly, I spent my time sleeping, reading (the Percy […]

Beauty in the Breakdown

I had come to the title for this piece while it was in progress a couple weeks ago. It’s fitting that I finally finished it today, which was largely spent processing through a complex and incredibly irrational emotional trigger. I figured it out, and figured a few side notes out, too. Like that my ex […]

“How we call down judgment upon ourselves is simultaneously the most horrific and the most beautiful thing about us.” — Zadie Smith

“Healing wounds requires a strong enough sense of self to be able to accept the crap we have pulled in service to them.” – Nekole Malia Shapiro

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

Slimed

Cue struggle/recovery phase in which I am frequently brain accosted with the image of being penetrated by a greedy indiscriminate budging phallus slicked with primordial snot and covered in an oppressively thick layer of tiny diseased insects frantically climbing over one another. I am haunted by images like this; Not only was I incapable of […]