#metoo

A meditation on what comes after #metoo After a long few days I finally crashed like a brick last night. I am so tired. I am so tired of the groupthink onus being on victims of abuse, to rehash, to out themselves, to display their pain, to direct. What can you do? Figure out why […]

Revisiting The Rape Song

<a href=”http://courtnee.bandcamp.com/album/keep-going”>Keep Going by Courtnee Fallon Rex (Courtnee Papastathis/Not Applicable)</a> I’m tired of pretending what you did wasn’t rape I’m tired of making creepy shit be ok With me So I’m writing this song Calling you out I’m calling you out I’ve been hoping too long You’d get some help Some psychological help Cause fucking […]

Meet the woke misogynists. Surprise! They’re pretty much everywhere.

This is my lived reality. With former boyfriends, with former peers in the supposed sex positive/healing communities, with men in the intersectional feminist movement, with lauded teachers and self proclaimed sex healers; Every single fucking feminist woman I know who tries to date men and talks with me about it has been traumatized by this […]

me, Clayton, rape.

me, Clayton, rape. It wasn’t rape because that’s what he growled at me the first time he overwhelmed and coerced me when I’d just said I wanted to wait before we started having sex together. It wasn’t rape because he’d only gone down on me and fingered me and heroically resisted sticking his cock in […]

Still pooping on rape culture

So I was told yesterday that comically centering my own nonsexual nudity in any of the constant reminders I post about my patreon existing is disingenuous, because I rail against rape culture.Mmmkay. I was told that it’s ok to use nudity in my art, which I have done for over 20 years, but it’s not […]

Revenge: A feminist manifesto

Patriarchy. I am so fucking angry with you, sometimes I just can’t even. Angry for me. Angry for them. Angry for what I’ve endured because of how you’ve emotionally lobotomized them. Angry for them because of how you taught to me to push them to be big but force them to stay small. Angry for […]

FuckYouDelete

It’s become so amazing to me how much commonly-accepted forms of dialogue are just flat out silencing, erasing, entitled fucking bullshit. Not long ago I would feel ‘irrationally’ slighted over it, and blame my ‘damage’ for my ‘sensitivity’ and wonder what was wrong with me. Fuck that noise. I ain’t internalizing that manipulative crap anymore. […]

That one time rape made me racist

When I was in my early-20’s, I spent some time as an escort. In that time, I had many lovely experiences, some weird experiences, some forgettable experiences, and some gross experiences; three particular gross experiences with Asian clients, which seemed a notable pattern, and one awful one (which ended my career) wherein an Asian man […]

Consent is IDEAL

When I came up with Empathic Consent (aka DELI) back in May, one of the things I wrote about was that I had countless opportunities to practice DELI outside of my sex life. Which is good, cause right now I’m celibate and uninterested in romance, and well, every relationship benefits from both parties understanding what’s […]

These are the places rape culture starts

This is an amazing account of the very real corrosion and trauma that results in loved ones blaming the victim of sexual abuse/assault in the name of trying to make everything ok again. I related to this, and I am glad I got away. http://www.buzzfeed.com/michelletea/my-stepfather-the-peeping-tom

In black and white.

As some of you may know, part of my Year of the Nee (my year of celibacy and no intoxicants) that I began in May (Half way!! WOOO!) included seeking out a more formalized psychotherapy approach. In doing so, I ended up at the Sexual Assault and Traumatic Stress unit at Harborview with a diagnosis, […]

Thanks for that, dude.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke This Ghomeshi thing, how his friends and community are admitting to knowing he was up to some shit, brings to light some ugly things for me. Ugly things that encouraged me to continue raping in my […]

Integration phase: To approach or not to approach?

On twitter today, someone asked me: “Have you spoken to (and asked for forgiveness from) any of your rape victims? Do you think about them and their healing?” This person seemed surprised when I said yes, of course I think about that, that I had spoken and apologized to some, but that a) I had […]

Full Circle Zita

My signature (nude) aerial silks piece started as a homage to sexual relationship, to not giving up on loving someone, even when you get bucked off. The act began as a physical illustration of the struggle to shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and how sex can contribute to the […]

Integration Phase: Thoughts on Rape Culture and the existence of Lady Privilege.

As my rape culture post has circulated on Medium, and the conversation has continued, I’ve found myself annoyed. The men who are talking, nearly invariably, debate. They argue the definition of consent, they argue the definition of rape, they tell me I’m being too hard on myself and others, they worry about the definition of […]

I am no longer Paralyzed By the prospect Of outgrowing you

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

We need Allies, not Gentleman.

Learn to be an accountable presence working on your shit, not merely a non-rapist or a non-murderer. Because communicating ‘It’s/I’m not like that’ instead of ‘I’m so sorry that happened, what do you need,’ is being ‘like that.’ http://www.mediacoop.ca/blog/norasamaran/30866

A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture

Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s […]

#YesAllWomen

@TweetOfNee Because it takes a hashtag to bring to the surface the extent of what I do subconsciously to protect myself. Every single day. #YesAllWomen @TweetOfNee Because our hypervigilant managing, scanning, and strategizing in attempts to shake subhuman social status doesn’t work. #YesAllWomen @TweetOfNee Because 5000 years of women being seen as sexual property will […]

Revenge of the nerds.

Due to recent experience and lessons therein, I am purposely avoiding reading about the sorority murders or following the story right now. But what’s most interesting about that, is how little I need to follow that story in order to grasp what’s going on. Of all the murmurs I have heard about Elliot, and what […]

Compassion baiting is bullshit and I don’t put up with it anymore.

Ever wonder why being judged for responding ‘too angrily’ pisses you off even more? Good insight here. http://www.buddhistpeacefellowship.org/5-big-problems-with-compassion-baiting/ – Twitter I discovered “5 Big Problems with Compassion Baiting by Katie Loncke” a few months ago, and loved it. I related to it in terms of the obese shame demon the article had helped me figure […]

Slimed

Cue struggle/recovery phase in which I am frequently brain accosted with the image of being penetrated by a greedy indiscriminate budging phallus slicked with primordial snot and covered in an oppressively thick layer of tiny diseased insects frantically climbing over one another. I am haunted by images like this; Not only was I incapable of […]

In defense of the men

Lately, I’ve been observing a few racial and feminist activists on twitter complaining about white people and men (especially white men) butting into their conversations about their experiences of oppression. It’s been an interesting ride. I mirror a number of the sentiments and questions those white people have posed to black activists, and very much […]

The infirmary

Injured, fed, home. Playing the walking dead game, sitting in the perception that there are worse imaginable things I could be going through, like it were a mental stitz bath. This has let me feel something, other than my mental anguish, my how the fuck could they, my I can’t believe this happened, my why […]