#hotline

Lately, I have been very raw and sensitive and emotionally reactive. Being that way comes with effects, which include being oversensitive to damaging others. Things like feeling really gutted for days if I unintentionally hurt someones feelings, and digging too hard into myself to look for subconscious sinister motivation, when I forget or misconstrue boundaries […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Thanks for giving: a shit. 

Third rockin’ass orgasm of the day. Enjoying the hell out of my solo day-long water fast. Fuck your oppressive shitass holidays. — https://instagram.com/p/BNNjpf5hffd/ Water fasting as of midnight last night. Had no idea when I decided to do this a year ago, take the next step in personally divesting from the lies and the cognitive […]

I think.

If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love, […]

Serendipitous gifts

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” James Baldwin Just now, I texted everyone I have a current iMessage conversation with “Thank you for being human with me”. It is because […]

ROAD UPDATE: Fort Walton Beach

Originally posted to my Patrons at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4470079 Right now I am hanging out in the van with the side door open, out of the wind but in the sun from my waist down. The temperature is perfect like this, mid 60’s and cloudless, and I still have lots of time left in my day to […]

ROAD UPDATE: Pensacola

Originally posted to my Patreon community at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4413008 Mississippi: OH EM GEE you’re heeeeere omg yay! Here, have a welcome center with all kinda free camping with picnic benches and spigots and shit and a FUCKING NASA SPACE CENTER!! Alabama: Fuck you. Welcome center closed. Florida: Fuck you. Show us your vegetables. Then welcome center, […]

Belonging

I used to think I would never find a place I belonged. The lonliness filled me to the point that for a long time I didn’t even have the energy to wander anymore, looking for it, literally or figuratively. I’d talk myself out of going anywhere I felt I might find my place before the […]

ANNIVERSARY: Name Day

Simultaneously like yesterday, yet longer ago than it seems, I was about two months into Year of the Nee, my official year of celibacy and no intoxicants. I’d come to embark upon that decision in large part due to my romantic relationships and the patterns I had seen in them, one of those patterns being […]

bobbing cork in a bucket

On one hand, my ‘fuck the bucket’ epiphany (and artistic ritual) was really valuable to align myself with a deeper knowledge. Taking into account that myself, crabs who snip at my heels, and the crabs whose heels I am compelled to snip, were never meant to be in a fucking bucket in the first place […]

Weakness: My pet peeve

I’ve been in an on-again, off-again conversation with a friend regarding ‘weakness’, of vulnerability =ing weakness in terms of technology, and in terms of societal structuring/social justice. That conversation has helped clarify something for me: Though I’ve largely stopped doing it anyway, I am flat out through using the word weak to describe human beings. […]

Finding Amanda: An internet love story

Amanda Palmer and Courtnee Fallon Rex Photographed by Steve Kuhn The Art of Asking Book Tour. Sat, November 22, 2014. First Unitarian Church – Los Angeles When I was young, I thought I had all the answers. Or at least, I thought I knew the problems, the deeper causes of the things I was seeing […]

Full Circle

For many idealistic years, I vehemently declared that I would never, ever step foot in LA, certainly never to perform on a stage. Nope. And at one time, I fiercely convinced myself I hated Amanda Palmers guts, too. This Saturday not only am I going to LA (for like a third time now.. shhhh), this […]

In black and white.

As some of you may know, part of my Year of the Nee (my year of celibacy and no intoxicants) that I began in May (Half way!! WOOO!) included seeking out a more formalized psychotherapy approach. In doing so, I ended up at the Sexual Assault and Traumatic Stress unit at Harborview with a diagnosis, […]

“How we call down judgment upon ourselves is simultaneously the most horrific and the most beautiful thing about us.” — Zadie Smith

“Healing wounds requires a strong enough sense of self to be able to accept the crap we have pulled in service to them.” – Nekole Malia Shapiro

“Wounds are the means by which we enter each others hearts. Healing is the means by which we remain there.” – Courtnee Fallon Rex

“Do not fall in love with people like me. I will kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave, you will finally understand, why storms are […]

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

Brenè Brown: A Video Walkthrough.

“Maybe stories are just data with a soul.” -Brené Brown I shared this 2010 TED speech long ago, and longer still before that, and I will keep periodically sharing and adding new talks as Brenè continues in her incredible work. Her follow-up from 2012 is awesome, too, and reminds me of many, many things I’ve […]

Road Trip Cancelled. Plan of Action: Engaged

I have, roughly, $6000 in unappropriated savings, at current. I also have, roughly, 3 months left at my less-than-market living situation. This has incited an exceptionally stressful dichotomy of needs; and a sobering wakeup call to how unbelievably fucking expensive it’s gotten to live out here. I gave up the studio this month to slice […]

In defense of the men

Lately, I’ve been observing a few racial and feminist activists on twitter complaining about white people and men (especially white men) butting into their conversations about their experiences of oppression. It’s been an interesting ride. I mirror a number of the sentiments and questions those white people have posed to black activists, and very much […]

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” – Brenè Brown

“Don’t argue with someone who chooses to remain foolish. Some people want to remain fools, only because the truth requires change.” Tony A. Gaskins Jr

I’m over it now.

I’d stopped really writing here for a while. I did it because someone who was formerly influential to me in my life, who is historically by far the most damaging and hurtful person I’ve ever experienced a relationship with, shamed and mocked me for it, and for my artwork, and basically said a lot of […]