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I’ve been observably manic since last week, and my appointment with my social worker was canceled this week. I’ve fallen into the online social justice trap after a successful march on Sunday where I stepped into the opportunity to utilize my skills and street medic, expecting that I would have the aftercare of a therapy […]

WIP: I Hate The Fucking Internet Today

I’m working on a maxi-single for I Hate The Fucking Internet Today while simultaneously fleshing out the lyrics (WIP = Work In Progress, afterall). It will be 5 songs I think, 4 of them versions of this one, and I think I’m gonna tack on What Kind Of Asshole Are You. I have a fast/cute […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Corners Turned

It’s too early to tell precisely. But I suspect I may have stumbled onto something I’d like to do for a while, which helps me to feel less powerless in the world, gets me outside, teaches me to grow food, teaches me about land preservation, restoration, and conservation, shows me how to effectively irrigate using […]

EMFUCKINGBODIED

I swear I just saw myself for the first time I told myself in the mirror As I cried after connecting so incredibly profoundly with multiple people (And once again meeting another incredible man I can’t have in my life like I would prefer, god damn stupid growth opportunities) “You are.. An amazing woman. And […]

Solidarity

I had a get last night. A pretty big one. A few of them really, but one in particular that brought about a bit of an ‘ugh’ along with the ‘ah ha!’. It came about while reading the rather surprisingly amazing comments on this post, about a female artist who creates a series of self […]

“I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing” – Neil Gaiman, Stardust

If London is a watercolor, New York is an oil painting.

β€œFor in that city there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy.” ― Evelyn Waugh The New York subway has its own distinctive scent, like a cocktail of black tar and metal shavings, that I immediately find familiar and comforting every time I retun. You’d think it would mostly smell like […]

The present past

I’m conflicted about publishing this. It’s long been hidden in the drafts section of neevita, offline since phuqed.org slipped quietly into the night, like most of the stuff I wrote about back then. There are rape triggers and erotic elements. It’s difficult subject matter and I expect that isn’t limited to how I am reacting […]

Thrashing

I feel like I’m thrashing around emotionally, after emerging from a long stretch of intense computer-focused work. In the last month, including my massage, teaching and metrix jobs, I’ve released three albums (Autochthon, Embodied, and Embodied Limited Edition), finished 95% of a DVD, all with cover art and sound mixing/video editing that I’ve done, and […]

Art is freeing and also the most rigid stifling cage imaginable.

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’ Mara

Stay small

I remember some time a few years ago, I heard part of an interview with Coldplay in which one of the band members was asked if bad reviews and the vicious comments that are made about them hurt. He said yes, and I was both impressed with his vulnerable honesty and saddened in how much […]

I’ve noticed recently that I tend to put an invisible wall up when I see strangers carrying musical instruments on the street or public transit. I think it’s out of a kind of shame for being such a shitty musician; I don’t want to get trapped in a conversation about the instruments I “play”.

β€Ž”grief is what we call it when we have experienced love.” – Sophia Sky

Singing my FUCKING FOOL GRUMPY SCORN ASS OFF

Vashon Daytrip

I’ve been struggling emotionally the last few days. I’ve been longing and sad, and it’s been frustrating that after 7 months of being separated I’ll still backslide and get emotional about not having my ex in my life in some of the ways he used to be. Depending on how things are going, instead of […]

It took all the man in me, to be the thug you wanted me to be

I’ve been thinking a lot about attraction, sexuality, and what tends to drive mine, lately. Since putting out an ad and having sex with someone for very different reasons than I’ve generally had sex before, I’ve come to articulate some really interesting aspects of what drives my fucking that formerly only showed themselves as atmospheric […]

Isolation

Just found the original, had lost the digital copy when I wiped out my drive a year or so ago. “Isolation” – Acrylic on paper, 2004.

Nailed

So many years ago it pains me to say, because it means just that much life has passed my way already, I was a guitar player. I came into the world of original music through synth, and my first instrument was piano taught by my mother as a child, but I started out expressing my […]