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I’ve been observably manic since last week, and my appointment with my social worker was canceled this week. I’ve fallen into the online social justice trap after a successful march on Sunday where I stepped into the opportunity to utilize my skills and street medic, expecting that I would have the aftercare of a therapy […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Well, here we are again.

After some time keeping my head barely above water, my hearts busted open into a suck wound of fuzzies and my brain is linking up solutions again. Good night!  What will I wake up to, though? Ugh, I hate waking up. Maybe that adjustment today worked, but I can’t know until I sleep how things […]

Thanks for giving: a shit. 

Third rockin’ass orgasm of the day. Enjoying the hell out of my solo day-long water fast. Fuck your oppressive shitass holidays. — https://instagram.com/p/BNNjpf5hffd/ Water fasting as of midnight last night. Had no idea when I decided to do this a year ago, take the next step in personally divesting from the lies and the cognitive […]

I think.

If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love, […]

My Last Spoon

Inner Voice 1, immediately after taking the first pull in weeks from ther dab rig: “She AGREED to it! How is this NOT her fault?” Inner Voice 2: “You mean it ISN’T our fault all this happened?” Inner Voice 1: “Dude. You warned her about what the fucking cat needed. You told her she was […]

HEALING UPDATE: When I am ready, I do NOT fuck around.

^^^^ This is what waking up clean, in a clean bed, that I can stretch out in, looks like. Thank you SO MUCH to my pals Michael and Jill for gifting me with a hotel room last night. I needed it. Lemmie tell ya why: I’ve been coming to a clearing for a while, since […]

“How we call down judgment upon ourselves is simultaneously the most horrific and the most beautiful thing about us.” — Zadie Smith

In Process Experiment: Walk a Day

The challenge: Get up at the same time every day to walk around the block (.3 miles) The duration: 8 weeks Explanation: I have never been a creature of morning routine. However, for most of my life, when I’ve noticed that, I’ve felt sorry for myself. Like I am missing out, and failing myself somehow. […]

Listening: The Secondary Trauma.

“If you are a man who is becoming upset/depressed/overwhelmed/hopeless/defensive when you listen to the women in the world/your life talk about their experiences, you need to talk about it. With another man. I really, really mean this. You absolutely need to talk to another guy. A guy you are friends with and who you trust […]

Slimed

Cue struggle/recovery phase in which I am frequently brain accosted with the image of being penetrated by a greedy indiscriminate budging phallus slicked with primordial snot and covered in an oppressively thick layer of tiny diseased insects frantically climbing over one another. I am haunted by images like this; Not only was I incapable of […]

Still contemplating whether I’m going to act in Minor. I think, maybe, I might be done with that type of acting, and sometimes I wonder if maybe it would be just the right shade of amazing to at least go through the process of auditioning some younger girls for it. I guess the plan is […]

For the love of

What happens when an overworked artist gives herself food poisoning a few days before the gig that she’d planned to rehearse primarily in the days leading up to the event? Well, it means that you do all the rehearsal you’d planned in the afternoon before the evening gig – and this is what it looks […]

Winning Streak

Until today, it had been 27 days since I had seen a streak on my toilet paper. Today, that incredible record, was broken. It was broken, after a month or so of eating mostly salads, roasted veggies, meat, and fruit – by eating at a Mexican restaurant (Matador in W Sea). As it stands, they […]

SEAF 2013

Disclaimer: After a long week on my feet, I am a bit fried mentally, more than a bit exhausted physically, and yet still rather awake and energetic. My creativity is in the shitter, though, so if you’re hoping for poetry unfortunately I doubt you’ll find much this time. You will, however, find a blog entry […]

Nail documentation

Figured it was about time to document my awesome nails, which are soon to be dispensed of in the name of my vocation. Back in child and young adulthood, my nails were so thin and fragile that I could only get them about half this long before they tore off. Even the length I did […]

Meeting Stockholm

In the airport feeling sad and disconnected, so I bought myself a new friend. One of the stewardesses on my flight asked me if I’d named her yet, and when I said I hadn’t, she declared that her name is Nalle, which is Swedish for “teddy”. For some reason I was really touched by that. […]

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as an escape.” — Bell Hooks

Rise

When I was contemplating what I might call the most recent incarnation of my signature aerial act, (“Zita Begins” doesn’t really fit, now that I simply perform as myself without a persona) I thought about what the act represents for me at its core more than anything. These are the things I realized (and a […]

Stampede

I’ve been thinking lately about my decision to, though currently saving for a house, and recently leaving one of my part time jobs, simultaneously agree to increase my office rent by about 75% for the next year in order to add a second room for an art studio. In some ways, and surely on the […]

Bitter Soda

One of the things I have taken very seriously since having become suicidally depressed last month is my relationship with drugs and alcohol. Particularly alcohol, which has by far been the most destructive of my coping mechanisms in my life. Of late, I have partaken rarely, usually in very small amounts when I have, and […]

As of today I have graduated from cold smoothies to hot soups. Loving my Blendtech.

A clove of crushed garlic and some turmeric at the bottom of a cup of hot water makes the liquid surprisingly awesome tasting after it’s had a chance to steep for a while. I just timed the steep with how long it took for the water to cool down while I breathed the vapors in. […]

Brainstorming my forthcoming garden. :) it will have KALE. Oh yes, yes it will.

Back to basics: The glory of the Smoothie

Some may be aware that I’ve gone on a health kick recently, as seems to be the case every summer when the weather around here allows for biking and all the good food goes in season. What makes sticking with this all the time hard? I am by no means a Standard American Diet type, […]