On minimization as patriarchal reflex

To follow up on that post about at least starting to learn about something that is painfully obvious to women: patriarchy inflicts the stress of constant bodily vigilance at best and acute terror at worse: All the comments were amazing. So many stood out, like those that reported on strategies for increasing safety in taxis. […]

I think.

If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love, […]

Serendipitous gifts

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” James Baldwin Just now, I texted everyone I have a current iMessage conversation with “Thank you for being human with me”. It is because […]


Every year, google calendar reminds me that June 27th is my Name Day. Unlike my birthday, which is a passive obligation based in celebrating something I had very little to do with, my name day brings me a sense of pride and reverence for myself and the work I have done to actualize my own […]


I notice my body changing. It happened in my 20’s also, in a specific shift, when I went from being sedentary to active. This time, it’s the other way around. Things are softer and they are settling. I have begun to show my age. I notice it, especially, during the times in my cycle when […]

A meditation: New Cage 

The door to the original Pony Express Station, Gothenburg Nebraska. Bipolar disorder, Attachment disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Serious Depression are all diagnosis I’ve received at various times in my life.  They all added up symptomatically at the time, but there was always something under the surface that wasn’t touched by those theories. I […]

ROAD UPDATE: Pensacola

Originally posted to my Patreon community at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4413008 Mississippi: OH EM GEE you’re heeeeere omg yay! Here, have a welcome center with all kinda free camping with picnic benches and spigots and shit and a FUCKING NASA SPACE CENTER!! Alabama: Fuck you. Welcome center closed. Florida: Fuck you. Show us your vegetables. Then welcome center, […]

A little birdie told me to Keep Going

Photography by Chris Clark Post Processing by Courtnee Fallon Rex Ink by Mike of All Star Tattoo, Tacoma

What’s in a name?

Identity. So, everything, basically. Yesterday I started the transition of my identity from Courtnee Fallon Papastathis to Courtnee Fallon Rex. I tried this name on briefly a while back when I was messing around with choosing one that left me harder to search for but also somewhat easy to recognize. Interestingly, the email account I […]


I swear I just saw myself for the first time I told myself in the mirror As I cried after connecting so incredibly profoundly with multiple people (And once again meeting another incredible man I can’t have in my life like I would prefer, god damn stupid growth opportunities) “You are.. An amazing woman. And […]


I had a get last night. A pretty big one. A few of them really, but one in particular that brought about a bit of an ‘ugh’ along with the ‘ah ha!’. It came about while reading the rather surprisingly amazing comments on this post, about a female artist who creates a series of self […]

When I was just a little girl…

Want to help me flesh out some specifics from a scene in my newest show? Please respond with what immediately comes to mind when presented with the phrase “Inner Child”. Mine was: Inconvenient asshole.

SEAF 2013

Disclaimer: After a long week on my feet, I am a bit fried mentally, more than a bit exhausted physically, and yet still rather awake and energetic. My creativity is in the shitter, though, so if you’re hoping for poetry unfortunately I doubt you’ll find much this time. You will, however, find a blog entry […]

Embodied Credits

http://notapplicable.org Embodied is a one-woman show illustrating a musical journey which depicts Courtnee’s sense of personality fragmentation in her youth, and the experience of slowly piecing herself together throughout her life to truly become a whole person. Not Applicable’s second live show in 10 years was made possible by Kickstarter, and performed/recorded November 9th and […]

I hadn’t really noticed until now, but between working on the album, working on the website, setting up my office as a gallery, learning the violin, working all of my usual jobs, and creating the new iPhone cases I’m now selling, I’ve really been working my ass off lately.

My hands hurt and I can’t feel my ass. Must be working on websites and designing shit a lot lately.

I just posted a behind the scenes video of Embodied: Rehearsal for “Divergence” to my music blog at http://notapplicable.info/2012/08/embodied-rehearsal-divergence/

I think putting on a music show every fall might just end up being my thing.

Today is one of those days where I can listen to the audio from Embodied and be like.. Yeah. I owned that shit. With a raging chronic sinus infection, after opening the show on a fucking trapeze, and busting my ass to put nearly every aspect of that behemouth together myself. Fucking go me.

Embodied, Live in Seattle, for $5

For a limited time, until Feb 1 2012, I am offering a digital copy of “Embodied, Live in Seattle” online in the form of a 140mb 256k mp3 file of the entire musical performance, minus the two aerial acts and credits sequence. The cost is a minimum $6 ($5 + transaction fee) and pay-what-you-can after […]

My poor little Juno. Working on Embodied is showing me just how many clicks and weird sounds it makes. :/

Embodied: The Album, is taking shape

It’s a slow process, one that’s pressing against the boundaries of my comfort zone, working on the audio for Embodied. And stressful, too — My favorite plugin costs $250 to authorize but has a 10 day full-access trial period, of which I have 8 days left to finish the album. My body hates me for […]

Finally moving forward with the Embodied album and cover art, now that I can think straight and stay awake longer than a few hours. Getting excited about having the album available in the summer, and planning a site redesign for http://notapplicable.info/ to go along with it.

John Cornicello: My Sweet Prince

Taken as I sang my cover of “My Sweet Prince”, by Placebo, during my November 2011 show “Embodied”.

Juno Surgery

I got my first Juno 106 in 1999 off ebay. It arrived with a broken bender, and in the years ahead I somehow lost the ENV slider — not just the cap, but the metal stem as well. I got my second Juno 106 in 2002, when my friend and test manager at Microsoft gave […]