Life in the Fast Lane: A Thanksgiving invitation for my experimental/sociopolitically-motivated friends:

Howdy facebook. How’s it hanging. As y’all surely know, it’s Thanksgiving in the U. S. this week. And if you’ve been around here much in the past, you might remember a little bit about what I think of Thanksgiving. :poop emoji: I’m taking a bit of a different track this year, and I wanna share […]

In contrast to this Black Sparrow clusterfuck, I’m periodically thinking of someone named Heather Dwyer. Heather is the person from 4 culture who contacted me a month after a grant application due date to let me know that my application was almost complete; I just needed to upload work samples, and if I could do […]

OptimumDesk.exe / ODService CPU hog won’t uninstall

My last 24 hours: 1) Did the steps in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyYB07SUPcI&feature=youtu.be to confirm the title executables were the reason dad’s win10 machine blared at 99% cpu usage unless in safe mode — did all those steps with every instance of eventvwr or task manager taking upwards of 4 minutes to load. 2) Found this, which confirmed […]

#hotline

Lately, I have been very raw and sensitive and emotionally reactive. Being that way comes with effects, which include being oversensitive to damaging others. Things like feeling really gutted for days if I unintentionally hurt someones feelings, and digging too hard into myself to look for subconscious sinister motivation, when I forget or misconstrue boundaries […]

The Year of the Kat

In 2014, I began the Year of the Nee, choosing to go a year (and change, it turned out) celibate and without intoxicants of any kind. Overlapping that year, the two years of unofficial survival experimentation of #vanlife began. And now I float, disconnected, purposeless, again in need of healing and self acceptance. It’s about […]

Where do we go from here

Having that fucking IUD out is a such a godsend. I still haven’t felt any more pelvic pain! And now after two blows of sextrust related trauma in the last month, I am back to having zero interest in sex again anyway and feel sure about putting off sterilization, so I won’t be dealing with […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Well, here we are again.

After some time keeping my head barely above water, my hearts busted open into a suck wound of fuzzies and my brain is linking up solutions again. Good night!  What will I wake up to, though? Ugh, I hate waking up. Maybe that adjustment today worked, but I can’t know until I sleep how things […]

10 more things I’ve learned on the road, year 2

I am solidly into my second year of vanlife. Here are 10 more things I’ve learned since last time.  Spraying swampy sockfeet with 90% isopropyl at the end of a night means you have fresh socks to put away in the morning after they’ve dried. Actually, a spray bottle of hefty alcohol is pretty much a […]

New experiment

For the summer: Focus only on artistic and social justice related projects that I would want to post about on patreon or my mailing list.  Tired of social media. 

To go gently

Isn’t it kinda weird that crowdfunding sites, where people literally ask widely for money to deal with a dead friend or try to pay for their medical care, are for-profit companies?  That just seems weird to me.  . It occured to me today that one of the reasons I despise the idea of volunteering my […]

Serendipitous gifts

“The role of the artist is exactly the same as the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.” James Baldwin Just now, I texted everyone I have a current iMessage conversation with “Thank you for being human with me”. It is because […]

Road Update: Summer in the PNW

I’m back in the Seattle area for a few months over the summer, recovering and enjoying being able to stand upright in my house again. Interestingly, the room I had rented from a friend for almost 3 years was available when I arrived, so I am back in my old house, with some of my […]

#bloated

I notice my body changing. It happened in my 20’s also, in a specific shift, when I went from being sedentary to active. This time, it’s the other way around. Things are softer and they are settling. I have begun to show my age. I notice it, especially, during the times in my cycle when […]

I don’t rant on here much anymore…

But here’s a gif to remember me by. https://media.giphy.com/media/l41YecXPPEdGazmWk/giphy.gif

Privates

I totally painted myself up and made homegrown weirdo solo porn vids last night and its mine mine mine and you don’t get to have it because my body and my sexuality and my dorky performative fantasies are mine, mine, mine. They exist and they’re Mine. Put that in your hole and fuck it. In […]

The fucks I no longer give

Sometimes, people who hold power over you behave like selfish, entitled, manipulative, thieving assholes, and there just isn’t a god damn fucking thing you can do about it. — If being mostly-away from Facebook has taught me anything, it’s the danger and the psychological impact of masturbatory propaganda. Especially the kind that says what you […]

Corners Turned

It’s too early to tell precisely. But I suspect I may have stumbled onto something I’d like to do for a while, which helps me to feel less powerless in the world, gets me outside, teaches me to grow food, teaches me about land preservation, restoration, and conservation, shows me how to effectively irrigate using […]

This made me laugh. I have been gifted the opportunity to revisit home I’d not fully claimed for myself. Today is a good day.

The one thing, I think, that’s saved my life most consistently, was learning that it will pass. Like really getting that. Doing the work to change how I talk to myself when I start feeling unlivable, that I won’t get through. And it’s always those quiet times, isn’t it, when those notions kick in. I […]

ROAD UPDATE: Fort Walton Beach

Originally posted to my Patrons at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4470079 Right now I am hanging out in the van with the side door open, out of the wind but in the sun from my waist down. The temperature is perfect like this, mid 60’s and cloudless, and I still have lots of time left in my day to […]

No more I Love You’s

“I am starting to tire of these memes and these standards. I am beginning to feel as though the stringent ‘enlightened’ perfectionism in what ‘relationship’ is supposed to look like and what love is supposed to look like is just as damaging as other dehumanizing expectations inherent in society. I look at these standards and […]

In so many ways, we were profoundly comfortable and well suited. And you were so nice to me. Affectionate, generous, caring. Dedicated. Loving. Available. Consistent.But too consistent. Frozen in carbonate consistent. Unwilling, if it meant loosening your utter strangle hold, the compulsive denial, the tamping down of your darkness, that actually ran the show. You […]