Borderline



In the beginning, the plan for Year of the Kat was to get on medication. That, thus far, has not come to pass, mainly due to the runaround and wait times in seeing a psychiatrist meaning I had one single appointment before I left on tour (in which the psyche questioned whether I needed medication […]

On minimization as patriarchal reflex

To follow up on that post about at least starting to learn about something that is painfully obvious to women: patriarchy inflicts the stress of constant bodily vigilance at best and acute terror at worse: All the comments were amazing. So many stood out, like those that reported on strategies for increasing safety in taxis. […]

Brought to you by Instagram

I’ve been observably manic since last week, and my appointment with my social worker was canceled this week. I’ve fallen into the online social justice trap after a successful march on Sunday where I stepped into the opportunity to utilize my skills and street medic, expecting that I would have the aftercare of a therapy […]

Revisiting The Rape Song

<a href=”http://courtnee.bandcamp.com/album/keep-going”>Keep Going by Courtnee Fallon Rex (Courtnee Papastathis/Not Applicable)</a> I’m tired of pretending what you did wasn’t rape I’m tired of making creepy shit be ok With me So I’m writing this song Calling you out I’m calling you out I’ve been hoping too long You’d get some help Some psychological help Cause fucking […]

Meet the woke misogynists. Surprise! They’re pretty much everywhere.

This is my lived reality. With former boyfriends, with former peers in the supposed sex positive/healing communities, with men in the intersectional feminist movement, with lauded teachers and self proclaimed sex healers; Every single fucking feminist woman I know who tries to date men and talks with me about it has been traumatized by this […]

Hello again

A deep 4+ day depression has started to move and things are settling back into place. The level at which I am able to unconsciously dissociate from my value in life, and how fucking real that blindness feels, is really staggaring. It’s debilitating to go through, and it’s awe-inducing to look back on from the […]

Fight

As I sit here speed dialing the fucking government as a last ditch harm reduction and pressure tactic I am thinking a lot about how much our methods for protecting and advocating for the vulnerable are going to have to change. And I am thinking of how long that’s actually been the case. I will […]

Thanks for giving: a shit. 

Third rockin’ass orgasm of the day. Enjoying the hell out of my solo day-long water fast. Fuck your oppressive shitass holidays. — https://instagram.com/p/BNNjpf5hffd/ Water fasting as of midnight last night. Had no idea when I decided to do this a year ago, take the next step in personally divesting from the lies and the cognitive […]

Reprogram thyself

In my view, which has been informed greatly over the last two years by activists of color, there is little actual difference between a person who holds oppressive ideals, and a person who simply ignores and aligns with oppressive ideals because they care about some other benefit more. In terms of impact and the policies, […]

Point the rage at the system

Doesn’t have to be now. Blame all the third party voters you want, if finding a soft target to blame is worth further disrupting what little fucking unity and coalescence we have. We are all being manipulated. We are all oppressed in some form of indentured slavery. If you still believe in this system; that […]

Tell the apocalype to go fuck itself. 

Homeless people have the internet in their pockets. Does that seem odd to you? Hollow connectivity think catheter vs… Shelter? Or heat? How did slipping into this ever make sense to ANYone? Oh right. Because those creative, and brave, and pissed off enough to fucking take anything status quo like that on, are traumatized and […]

I think.

If love is wishing for others what you would wish for yourself, if it is protecting others how you would protect yourself, then love is what I am likely to give in most of my moments, and what I have regarded most with in the past. If do unto others is the basis of love, […]

My Last Spoon

Inner Voice 1, immediately after taking the first pull in weeks from ther dab rig: “She AGREED to it! How is this NOT her fault?” Inner Voice 2: “You mean it ISN’T our fault all this happened?” Inner Voice 1: “Dude. You warned her about what the fucking cat needed. You told her she was […]

Sometimes I get the urge to talk to you Then I remember That you’re a different person now. I know, because I was the storm That swept Who you were pretending you were Away

ANNIVERSARY: NAME DAY

Every year, google calendar reminds me that June 27th is my Name Day. Unlike my birthday, which is a passive obligation based in celebrating something I had very little to do with, my name day brings me a sense of pride and reverence for myself and the work I have done to actualize my own […]

Pies

Huh. Baking pies is fucking messy. Like seriously, the oven is a battlefield. Guts dripped everywhere. It’s a strawberry and rhubarb. Strawberry and rhubarb that I helped harvest today at the farm, and then came home and made a fucking pie out of it. For the filling I used brown sugar, lemon zest/juice, cinnamon, a […]

A Cart for Your Invisible Horse

I started really chewing on class accessibility issues in my work about 6 months after I moved from the Medical Dental Building downtown, to the Pioneer Building in Pioneer Square. For those who don’t understand Seattle, that’s basically from the hoity toity business and shopping district to the historic bar crawl and stadium area where […]

Gratitude post

Appreciating my community today. I’m connected with some damn fine people. Here’s to you all, the strong vulnerable women, the writers, the musicians, the weirdos, the men whose souls I’ve stolen, or want to steal, the supporters, the appreciators, the activists, the carers, the empathic warriors who see what the fuck is going on. We […]

There is Nowhere

Just south of Green River, Wyoming One thing that nearly a year on the road has shown me: There is nowhere. There is nowhere to go. There is nowhere to outrun patriarchy. There is nowhere to outrun capitalism. Nowhere to feel safe. Nowhere to feel comfortable. It’s gone, along with my blissful ignorance. Anywhere I […]

Full moon in Scorpio

They say the full moon in Scorpio signifies transformation. In particular, they say it will illuminate things that need to be released and let go. They also mention that it probably won’t feel very good. I don’t know about all that. But I do know that I’ve felt like massive shit lately. Like, really, really […]

A meditation: New Cage 

The door to the original Pony Express Station, Gothenburg Nebraska. Bipolar disorder, Attachment disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Serious Depression are all diagnosis I’ve received at various times in my life.  They all added up symptomatically at the time, but there was always something under the surface that wasn’t touched by those theories. I […]

These dreams go on

At times in my life (historically when I’ve been very cyclicly stressed and/or surfacing a trauma or transformation), my dreams hang on after I’ve woken up. Along with lucid and recurring dreaming, there have been times I will wake from a dream, open my eyes, sit up, and still be seeing the dream scene as […]

me, Clayton, rape.

me, Clayton, rape. It wasn’t rape because that’s what he growled at me the first time he overwhelmed and coerced me when I’d just said I wanted to wait before we started having sex together. It wasn’t rape because he’d only gone down on me and fingered me and heroically resisted sticking his cock in […]

HEALING UPDATE: When I am ready, I do NOT fuck around.

^^^^ This is what waking up clean, in a clean bed, that I can stretch out in, looks like. Thank you SO MUCH to my pals Michael and Jill for gifting me with a hotel room last night. I needed it. Lemmie tell ya why: I’ve been coming to a clearing for a while, since […]

Still pooping on rape culture

So I was told yesterday that comically centering my own nonsexual nudity in any of the constant reminders I post about my patreon existing is disingenuous, because I rail against rape culture.Mmmkay. I was told that it’s ok to use nudity in my art, which I have done for over 20 years, but it’s not […]