Life in the Fast Lane: A Thanksgiving invitation for my experimental/sociopolitically-motivated friends:

Howdy facebook. How’s it hanging. As y’all surely know, it’s Thanksgiving in the U. S. this week. And if you’ve been around here much in the past, you might remember a little bit about what I think of Thanksgiving. :poop emoji: I’m taking a bit of a different track this year, and I wanna share […]

In contrast to this Black Sparrow clusterfuck, I’m periodically thinking of someone named Heather Dwyer. Heather is the person from 4 culture who contacted me a month after a grant application due date to let me know that my application was almost complete; I just needed to upload work samples, and if I could do […]

Borderline



In the beginning, the plan for Year of the Kat was to get on medication. That, thus far, has not come to pass, mainly due to the runaround and wait times in seeing a psychiatrist meaning I had one single appointment before I left on tour (in which the psyche questioned whether I needed medication […]

2017 Arc Fellowship Grant

Submitting this application nearly didn’t happen. If not for Heather at 4culture encouraging me to submit work samples a month after the official deadline had passed, I’d have not been in the running for this $12,000 grant. Here’s what I’d forgotten I wrote, and the work samples I included. Inspiration: I am compelled to create […]

OptimumDesk.exe / ODService CPU hog won’t uninstall

My last 24 hours: 1) Did the steps in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyYB07SUPcI&feature=youtu.be to confirm the title executables were the reason dad’s win10 machine blared at 99% cpu usage unless in safe mode — did all those steps with every instance of eventvwr or task manager taking upwards of 4 minutes to load. 2) Found this, which confirmed […]

On minimization as patriarchal reflex

To follow up on that post about at least starting to learn about something that is painfully obvious to women: patriarchy inflicts the stress of constant bodily vigilance at best and acute terror at worse: All the comments were amazing. So many stood out, like those that reported on strategies for increasing safety in taxis. […]

#hotline

Lately, I have been very raw and sensitive and emotionally reactive. Being that way comes with effects, which include being oversensitive to damaging others. Things like feeling really gutted for days if I unintentionally hurt someones feelings, and digging too hard into myself to look for subconscious sinister motivation, when I forget or misconstrue boundaries […]

Brought to you by Instagram

I’ve been observably manic since last week, and my appointment with my social worker was canceled this week. I’ve fallen into the online social justice trap after a successful march on Sunday where I stepped into the opportunity to utilize my skills and street medic, expecting that I would have the aftercare of a therapy […]

The Year of the Kat

In 2014, I began the Year of the Nee, choosing to go a year (and change, it turned out) celibate and without intoxicants of any kind. Overlapping that year, the two years of unofficial survival experimentation of #vanlife began. And now I float, disconnected, purposeless, again in need of healing and self acceptance. It’s about […]

Where do we go from here

Having that fucking IUD out is a such a godsend. I still haven’t felt any more pelvic pain! And now after two blows of sextrust related trauma in the last month, I am back to having zero interest in sex again anyway and feel sure about putting off sterilization, so I won’t be dealing with […]

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth

#triggerwarning #mentalhealth I’ve been struggling badly with my mental health since last fall. It’s been pretty awful in general, and then the small shred of resource and sanity I felt I had — my van/house/freedom — did what vanhousefreedom things do when they have 204,000 miles on them, and started breaking things. Expensive things. While […]

Well, here we are again.

After some time keeping my head barely above water, my hearts busted open into a suck wound of fuzzies and my brain is linking up solutions again. Good night!  What will I wake up to, though? Ugh, I hate waking up. Maybe that adjustment today worked, but I can’t know until I sleep how things […]

10 more things I’ve learned on the road, year 2

I am solidly into my second year of vanlife. Here are 10 more things I’ve learned since last time.  Spraying swampy sockfeet with 90% isopropyl at the end of a night means you have fresh socks to put away in the morning after they’ve dried. Actually, a spray bottle of hefty alcohol is pretty much a […]

New experiment

For the summer: Focus only on artistic and social justice related projects that I would want to post about on patreon or my mailing list.  Tired of social media. 

Shutting down this mailing list!

Thank you to everyone who has been keeping up with my meanderings via this blog list. I don’t use this blog for public posts much anymore, so I am shutting this portion of my list down. I will continue to send mails when I update the neevita.net main site. Please join my Patreon to keep […]

Revisiting The Rape Song

<a href=”http://courtnee.bandcamp.com/album/keep-going”>Keep Going by Courtnee Fallon Rex (Courtnee Papastathis/Not Applicable)</a> I’m tired of pretending what you did wasn’t rape I’m tired of making creepy shit be ok With me So I’m writing this song Calling you out I’m calling you out I’ve been hoping too long You’d get some help Some psychological help Cause fucking […]

Meet the woke misogynists. Surprise! They’re pretty much everywhere.

This is my lived reality. With former boyfriends, with former peers in the supposed sex positive/healing communities, with men in the intersectional feminist movement, with lauded teachers and self proclaimed sex healers; Every single fucking feminist woman I know who tries to date men and talks with me about it has been traumatized by this […]

To go gently

Isn’t it kinda weird that crowdfunding sites, where people literally ask widely for money to deal with a dead friend or try to pay for their medical care, are for-profit companies?  That just seems weird to me.  . It occured to me today that one of the reasons I despise the idea of volunteering my […]

Hello again

A deep 4+ day depression has started to move and things are settling back into place. The level at which I am able to unconsciously dissociate from my value in life, and how fucking real that blindness feels, is really staggaring. It’s debilitating to go through, and it’s awe-inducing to look back on from the […]

Fight

As I sit here speed dialing the fucking government as a last ditch harm reduction and pressure tactic I am thinking a lot about how much our methods for protecting and advocating for the vulnerable are going to have to change. And I am thinking of how long that’s actually been the case. I will […]

Thanks for giving: a shit. 

Third rockin’ass orgasm of the day. Enjoying the hell out of my solo day-long water fast. Fuck your oppressive shitass holidays. — https://instagram.com/p/BNNjpf5hffd/ Water fasting as of midnight last night. Had no idea when I decided to do this a year ago, take the next step in personally divesting from the lies and the cognitive […]

Reprogram thyself

In my view, which has been informed greatly over the last two years by activists of color, there is little actual difference between a person who holds oppressive ideals, and a person who simply ignores and aligns with oppressive ideals because they care about some other benefit more. In terms of impact and the policies, […]

Point the rage at the system

Doesn’t have to be now. Blame all the third party voters you want, if finding a soft target to blame is worth further disrupting what little fucking unity and coalescence we have. We are all being manipulated. We are all oppressed in some form of indentured slavery. If you still believe in this system; that […]

Tell the apocalype to go fuck itself. 

Homeless people have the internet in their pockets. Does that seem odd to you? Hollow connectivity think catheter vs… Shelter? Or heat? How did slipping into this ever make sense to ANYone? Oh right. Because those creative, and brave, and pissed off enough to fucking take anything status quo like that on, are traumatized and […]