Gratitude post

Appreciating my community today. I’m connected with some damn fine people. Here’s to you all, the strong vulnerable women, the writers, the musicians, the weirdos, the men whose souls I’ve stolen, or want to steal, the supporters, the appreciators, the activists, the carers, the empathic warriors who see what the fuck is going on. We […]

There is Nowhere

Just south of Green River, Wyoming One thing that nearly a year on the road has shown me: There is nowhere. There is nowhere to go. There is nowhere to outrun patriarchy. There is nowhere to outrun capitalism. Nowhere to feel safe. Nowhere to feel comfortable. It’s gone, along with my blissful ignorance. Anywhere I […]

Full moon in Scorpio

They say the full moon in Scorpio signifies transformation. In particular, they say it will illuminate things that need to be released and let go. They also mention that it probably won’t feel very good. I don’t know about all that. But I do know that I’ve felt like massive shit lately. Like, really, really […]

A meditation: New Cage 

The door to the original Pony Express Station, Gothenburg Nebraska. Bipolar disorder, Attachment disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Serious Depression are all diagnosis I’ve received at various times in my life.  They all added up symptomatically at the time, but there was always something under the surface that wasn’t touched by those theories. I […]

WATERCOLOR: Lifecycle of a portrait

Here are the main stages of a typical watercolor portrait of mine. I posted a shortened version of this on my FB, tumblr and Instagram but thought I would elaborate more here. Stage 1 The first stage is using a reference photo (sometimes I use multiple photos and combine them, like I did with my […]

These dreams go on

At times in my life (historically when I’ve been very cyclicly stressed and/or surfacing a trauma or transformation), my dreams hang on after I’ve woken up. Along with lucid and recurring dreaming, there have been times I will wake from a dream, open my eyes, sit up, and still be seeing the dream scene as […]

me, Clayton, rape.

me, Clayton, rape. It wasn’t rape because that’s what he growled at me the first time he overwhelmed and coerced me when I’d just said I wanted to wait before we started having sex together. It wasn’t rape because he’d only gone down on me and fingered me and heroically resisted sticking his cock in […]

The one thing, I think, that’s saved my life most consistently, was learning that it will pass. Like really getting that. Doing the work to change how I talk to myself when I start feeling unlivable, that I won’t get through. And it’s always those quiet times, isn’t it, when those notions kick in. I […]

I am astounded by the number of people I talk with who honestly believe that the road to ‘all one’ equality doesn’t necessitate the work of actually acknowleding and addressing the ways in which our societal structures have created unequal circumstances.

HEALING UPDATE: When I am ready, I do NOT fuck around.

^^^^ This is what waking up clean, in a clean bed, that I can stretch out in, looks like. Thank you SO MUCH to my pals Michael and Jill for gifting me with a hotel room last night. I needed it. Lemmie tell ya why: I’ve been coming to a clearing for a while, since […]

ROAD UPDATE: Fort Walton Beach

Originally posted to my Patrons at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4470079 Right now I am hanging out in the van with the side door open, out of the wind but in the sun from my waist down. The temperature is perfect like this, mid 60’s and cloudless, and I still have lots of time left in my day to […]

ROAD UPDATE: Pensacola

Originally posted to my Patreon community at https://www.patreon.com/posts/4413008 Mississippi: OH EM GEE you’re heeeeere omg yay! Here, have a welcome center with all kinda free camping with picnic benches and spigots and shit and a FUCKING NASA SPACE CENTER!! Alabama: Fuck you. Welcome center closed. Florida: Fuck you. Show us your vegetables. Then welcome center, […]

Still pooping on rape culture

So I was told yesterday that comically centering my own nonsexual nudity in any of the constant reminders I post about my patreon existing is disingenuous, because I rail against rape culture.Mmmkay. I was told that it’s ok to use nudity in my art, which I have done for over 20 years, but it’s not […]

Tight Ass

So back in the day, in 2004 or so, when I was married to a Microsoft guy and still had snazzy health care, I finally went to a butt specialist doctorguy to find out why it had bled and hurt every time I took a shit since I was a teenager. It had taken me […]

I will be the first person to caution fantastical daydreamers that I have not chosen an easy life, and I didn’t fit myself into a van on a whim, but after over a decade of culling and evolution. Even then the transition wasn’t simple or painless. I had a couple breakthroughs the last two days: […]

Shedding

I’ve spent a fair amount of effort over the last few years both examining and actively resisting the teachings of patriarchy, both in a larger social setting and in my personal interactions within my life. Being rooted in thousands of years of our conditioning, so much so that it’s largely invisible (even though obnoxious examples […]

No more I Love You’s

“I am starting to tire of these memes and these standards. I am beginning to feel as though the stringent ‘enlightened’ perfectionism in what ‘relationship’ is supposed to look like and what love is supposed to look like is just as damaging as other dehumanizing expectations inherent in society. I look at these standards and […]

In so many ways, we were profoundly comfortable and well suited. And you were so nice to me. Affectionate, generous, caring. Dedicated. Loving. Available. Consistent.But too consistent. Frozen in carbonate consistent. Unwilling, if it meant loosening your utter strangle hold, the compulsive denial, the tamping down of your darkness, that actually ran the show. You […]

15 things I’ve learned in 6 months (and counting) on the road

I’ve been on the road for over 6 months now. Here are a few tidbits I’ve learned. The single most important aspect of traveling long term in a vehicle is having a comfortable place to sleep. People as a whole are simultaneously much cooler in general, and occasionally also much more fucked in the face, than […]

“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” — Audre Lorde

I woke up this morning missing my bed. I’d had that bed for 14 years and loved it that entire time. It had been a bed lifted off the floor with various frames and posts and it had been a mattress on the ground and in those and in all the incarnations in between it […]

The economics of racism

I’m used to racist rando’s coming on my facebook page to preach their ignorant self-involved crap, but every once in a while an actual friend does it and I really just can’t even. The concept that racism is only about choosing to behave like a “racist” is a convenient fallacy. As is the belief that […]

Milestone acheived: A new mantra

For the last 6 months or so, my self mantra has been “I love myself”. I say it to me randomly, I say it to me when I realize it’s been a while since I said it, I say it to me when I’m sick or feeling badly, I say it out loud in the […]

“Letting go of a relationship is letting go of a form. It occurs when the love that you are cannot be expressed in the container of the relationship, in the form that it is in. For as your heart has continued to grow and expand, you may find that the current form of your relationship […]